"Our Little Trooper"

"Our Little Trooper"
"Let me live, that I may praise you!" Psalm 119:175

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Miracle #9: Rowan wipes my tears after his heart attack.

This post obviously comes out of order, but you must realize why.  Those last few days were a blur.  I never left Rowan's room, actually, I barely left his bed.  Then, moving back home, making funeral arrangements, and grief itself has consumed me.  I wasn't sure when I would be able to blog again, other than details of his upcoming services.  My heart just felt too empty...no words were there...only sadness.

Tonight, I felt Rowan whispering to me, telling me to keep going though, to keep telling his story.  We were watching "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Imporium" (at my sisters urging) and the message was so clear.  There is a part near the end of the movie where Mr. Magorium is telling the girl that it is natural to be sad that he dies, but the important part is all the living that came before that.  He says, "relate my life in all it's wonder and end it with a simple, he dies". Thank you Jennifer for reminding me to watch this movie. I saw it in an entirely new light this time. Thank you Rowan for speaking to me this way.  I promise to continue to share your story. I promise to "relate your life in all it's wonder". I promise to continue this blog, and I plan to one day write a book about your amazing life. One of the last things Mr. Magorium says in the movie is, "Life is an occasion, rise to it."  So, rise, I will try, Rowan.


So, here is Miracle #9 blog post...just a little late...but the story deserves to still be told.

On Tuesday, December 13th, around 9:15 pm, in his ICU room, Rowan was in pain and motioned to us for some pain medicine.  The nurse gave him a dose and he suddenly his blood pressure started dropping.  They put him back on pressors immediately but they just didn't seem to help.  Within minutes his heart stopped beating.  His 2 nurses that evening stripped everything from his bed and started chest compressions in an instant.  A code blue was called.  The room filled with emergency staff.  Seconds ticked by like hours.  I fell on my knees, crying, praying, calling Brian to tell him what was happening.  After just 2-3 minutes of compressions the nurse called out, "He's fighting me. Carrie, get over here!" Rowan's heart started beating again.  It was a weak rhythm, but it was beating.  I ran to his side, crying, thanking Jesus.  Rowan, and I am not even kidding you...minutes after coding, reached up and wiped my tears.  He wiped MY tears.  Everyone in the room either sighed or cried.  Things were far from over, but we had indeed witnessed another miracle.  Rowan had just had a heart attack, I almost lost him in those moments, but he came to and was worried about me, not himself.  So like Rowan.

They called in an echo technician to do an echo of Rowan's heart.  The technician approached Rowan's bedside, wearing blue gloves.  Rowan is allergic to the nitrile in the blue gloves.  Intubated, unable to speak, he swatted her hands away from his chest gently, wagged his finger at her and mouthed "no blue gloves".  We all laughed out loud.  Minutes after a heart attack, he seemed so with it.  We just couldn't believe it.  It gave me hope.  Hope that he would fully recover.  The news was not good though.  He would not survive in his current state.  The only chance we had left was to place him on ECMO life support...if he could be approved.  A lot goes in to that decision making.  They do not take that step lightly.  Surgeons and ECMO specialists were brought in from home urgently as it was the middle of the night.  Two dozen or more doctors and nurses convened in and around Rowan's room.  His entire room: the bed, and all of the beams and equipment were shifted around to turn his ICU room into an Operating Room.  I held Rowan's hand the whole time they were prepping, I kept telling him "open your eyes Rowan", "stay with me Rowan".  Then I told him how hard they were trying to save him, how much I loved him, how much Daddy and Zoe and Ian loved him, how God and Jesus with there with him the entire time.  He mouthed to me, over his breathing tube, "I love you too".  The next two hours, I sat in the doorway of Rowan's room and watched as these people tried to place two gigantic cannulas into Rowan's neck and hook him up to the heart lung bypass machine.  It was grueling. 

But they did it...

This machine was running through his body, pumping blood through his heart and oxygenating it for his lungs.

We are calling this Miracle #9.

to be continued...


  1. Rowan may mot be here in the flesh, but, I can almost guarantee the miracles won't stop. He will be there to wipe your tears until you join him. He will always send signs, just when you need them. Rowans life was for a purpose. Look at how many people he has reached. Never met you all, but I feel close and share the same sorrow. Of course it is not the same for me as it is for his family, but I do relate and understand. Every chance I get, I'm sharing his story and wearing his hoodie or t-shirt. Peace be unto you and your family....

  2. You are the bravest and most strongest person ever. I see where Rowan got his strength from. Been reading your blog for years now. Makes me cry sadness and joy. Keep being 💪. Rowan is with you always

  3. I'm sorry you and Rowan had to go through all this. My heart raced as I read miracle #9 and so like Rowan to think of you as he went through the suffering, so like Jesus. He's an amazing child. He left an imprint on my heart. God bless you all.

  4. You are so very strong. I don't think I could haggle everything you have been through. You have an amazing child, and his name is Rowan. Truly a give from God. God bless you Carrie, and to your whole family. May you find peace in the knowledge that Rowan is living for Jesus now. He is your guardian angel. May you rest in peace.

  5. Carrie,
    I have been and am still heart broken over the loss of Rowan. I find it has consumed a lot of thought and time, I find myself looking off thinking about Rowan, you , life, God, and Heaven. Sometimes it hurts so bad, like someone is squeezing my heart in their hands. I beg for it to stop, yet it comes back. My feelings have been so overwhelming at times that after calling out to God the only comfort I can find is by writing down my feelings. It helps slow them down, making them more manageable. Since Rowans passing I have spent a lot of time in prayer, reading and writing about God and Rowan. I feel selfish over my sadness, I know Rowan would want us to be happy and I do TRY. I find myself still checking FB for updates, looking for blog updates, looking for any information to help me see God and Rowan. Rowan always had a way of putting my back on God' path, bringing me closer to God.
    I am writing this to tell you thank you! Thank you for blogging again, sharing pictures of Rowan and post on FB. It was something I was really missing and really need! I dont want to stop learning from Rowan, he was one of the best life teachers I have ever had. Please, if able, continue to bless us with him.
    I pray and cry for your family daily!
    This is not the end, it is the beginning of Rowans impact for God.