"Our Little Trooper"

"Our Little Trooper"
"Let me live, that I may praise you!" Psalm 119:175

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Day +24: "Just look for the positive Mommy."

After rounds this morning, I was a little frustrated with how things are going currently.  Rowan's kidney biopsy was 9 days ago.  That is when he developed the internal bleeding that caused the two large hematomas to develop in his abdomen.  He has been in an extreme amount of pain ever since then.  He was already on a pca pain pump for typhlitis (the infection and thickening of his colon), but since the kidney biopsy he has used it so much more.  They have increased the constant drip again and again, increased the dose that he can give himself every six minutes, and the dose the nurses can bolus him 3 times an hour.  I am tired of seeing him in pain, and I dislike him requiring so much dilaudid.  The pain doctor felt like interventional radiology or the surgeons may need to intervene soon, since it has been so long.  I agreed.  So, I asked if they could consult with them again, to see if we could get another ultrasound and find out if any of the blood is being reabsorbed yet. 

Unfortunately, there is nothing they feel comfortable doing surgically though.  They don't want to risk causing more bleeding, or risk him developing an infection, if they put in drain tubes or open him up to clean out the blood.  I understand, I really do, but that doesn't mean it's easy to hear "this is just going to take time."  I'm not mad at any of the doctors.  They are doing what is best, and safest for Rowan.  It just made me feel a little helpless though.

His little tummy is so distended.  First from the hematomas, and second from the excess fluid he has on him right now.  His abdomen looks like it's going to pop.  It is heartbreaking to watch him move around in the bed when he looks like this.




Rowan could tell that I was disappointed that there was nothing else that could be done right now.  He could see that I teared up a bit at the thought of 2-3 more weeks (or more) of him in this pain.  He didn't get upset himself.  He didn't cry thinking about the pain he would continue to endure. Nope, not Rowan.  Instead, Rowan took that opportunity to console me.  He wiped my tears and encouraged me:

"Just look for the positive Mommy."

"I've already dealt with this for almost 2 weeks, I can handle it for a few more."

"It just means we get to spend more time together."

"At least I won't need more anesthesia."

"They just don't want to put me through any risky surgeries to fix it right now."

Oh Rowan. 
Dear sweet Rowan. 
I don't know what I'd do if you weren't the way you are. 
Your positive attitude and selflessness are beyond words.

Thank you...
from the bottom of my heart.

You do more to get me through all this, than I do for you.

And ok, I will remember to look for the positives Rowan.
There are many, as you so kindly reminded me.



10 comments:

  1. It must be such an honor to be Rowan's momma. God bless you Rowan and your momma too. You are in my daily prayers.

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  2. He is the most amazing human being I have ever known. Prayers continue.

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  3. Sending love and positivity xo

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  4. Rowan is such a brave and faithful young man! Seriously, I have seen grown adults complain about the littlest of things (I myself have been guilty on occasion unfortunately) and yet here he is in pain and is finding good in that experience? AMAZING GRACE--and AMAZING ROWAN! I will pray for pain relief and though I've not read this blog regularly (I will bookmark it so I can remember to do so) each time I see someone post about him on Facebook, I remember. I remember how brave he is and what a role model he is for all of us. I do not understand his disease, I do not know prognosis etc. but I know Jesus does! I know that He is the Great Physician and I pray for Rowan's healing here on earth as he clearly will continue to make such a positive impact on this world!

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  5. What an amazing son you have. He is my hero although I do not know him or you I keep him in my daily prayers. Bless him God and please provide your healing grace to this beautiful and strong young man. Yes I call him a man because of his fortitude and acceptance of this painful disease. God bless.

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  6. Rowan is so far above this world, we whine at the smallest things.
    So sorry he is having to endure this for so long. Praying for God's wisdom for the medical team, healing for dear Rowan & for you dear Carrie & family.

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  7. Rowan is so far above this world, we whine at the smallest things & Rowan looks for the positive after all these hard weeks-Amazing. So sorry Rowan you are having to endure this for so long- praying for a miracle for you, wisdom for the medical team & for your dear mama & family.

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  8. I am praying fervently for Rowan this little guy truly inspires me and touched my heart so deeply,
    no matter what he's going through, how much pain he is in he always manages to put a smile on his face, he isn't even worried about himself at all,
    he is worried about his Mom he deserves a huge TROPHY AND RECOGNITION FOR THE TRUE FIGHTER AND CHAMP THAT HE IS HE IS FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT OF FAITH,
    HE WILL NOT LET THE ENEMY BRING HIM DOWN PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD PRAISE GOD..
    OUR GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD FATHER GOD I ASK YOU TO SHOW UP AND SHOW OFF ON ROWAN'S BEHALF I REBUKE THIS SICKNESS OR DISEASE OUT AND CAST IT OUT AT THE ROOT I COMMAND IT TO GO INTO THE DRY PLACES, SHRIVEL UP, WITHER AND DIE YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN HIS BODY YOU MUST FLEE NOW!!
    HE HAS THE BLOOD OF JESUS RUNNING THROUGH HIS BRAIN AND ALL OVER HIS BODY I ASK YOU TO CLEANSE HIM, PURIFY HIM, STRENGTHEN HIM AND A COMPLETE HEALING AND RESTORATION IN HIS BODY I AM THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE ALMIGHTY FATHER FOR THE MIRACLE TAKING PLACE IN HIS BODY EVEN AS WE SPEAK IF IT IS YOUR HOLY WILL I ASK THAT IT WILL BE DONE I GIVE YOU ALL OF THE GLORY, THE THANKS AND THE PRAISE.
    AMEN AND AMEN

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  9. How's my little hero doing? I've been thinking of him and praying for him. I haven't been on fb so I've missed any updates. Please tell Rowan that I hope all of this will subside, and completely go away soon. He has ninja duty. Hugs and kisses to you sweet Rowan. ��

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