Saturday, September 24, 2016
Today the numbers changed...
As many of you have now heard, we were told this past week that Rowan's transplant failed. He rejected my cells. He has zero immune system, and needs to have another transplant as soon as possible.
To say that my heart nearly stopped in that meeting is an understatement. I was mad, sad, scared, you name it. This little boy has fought hard his entire life. He has so much to offer this world. This isn't fair. Not like this. God isn't done with him yet. Those are the thoughts that raced through my head.
After I took a shower (mostly just so I could go cry in the bathroom, without Rowan seeing me), I tried to pull myself together and asked Rowan if he was ready to read his devotional. The title of course made him smile...it was a sign from his angel friend Jalene..."Shake it off!"
It was a poignant reading too. We do not understand why this is happening. We wish with all our hearts that it wasn't. But we trust God. We know he has a plan for Rowan. So while our nerves are shot, our hearts racing, we have to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. We will spend every minute of every day loving on our boy, and helping him fight for his life. The first one didn't take. We will shake that off. We will Rally for Rowan. We will try again.
Today was Day +50 post-transplant. We have been in the hospital for 63 days so far. But today the new plan was given to us. Today the numbers changed. We are no longer counting up. We are now counting down. Counting down to the second transplant date, October 14th. That makes today, Day -21.
Not Day +50...
but Day -21.
Today the numbers changed...but not for God. He already knew this part. He already wrote these numbers down.
I woke up at 2 am last night, and immediately fell to my knees, next to Rowan's hospital bed. Brian had asked me to look up a Bible verse earlier that evening, one the Uber driver had given him on his way from the airport to the hospital. Psalm 37:5. I sat on the floor next to Rowan's bed, crying, reading and rereading that verse. Until I finally decided to go erase the cutesie saying I had written on his sliding glass doors on his first transplant day, nearly 2 months ago...("I asked my Mom to marrow me, she said yes!")
That ship had sailed. It was time to move forward. Time to write something new on the glass.
It was time to commit this whole thing to God.
Time to trust in him...
and pray that he WILL do this!
We love you Rowan. We will be here fighting with you every step of the way, and we trust that God WILL do this. Your story is not over yet, sweet boy.