Saturday, December 19, 2015
Keeping her memory alive...
While walking through the fabric store recently Rowan and I caught site of a beautifully carved little wooden bird ornament. He and I both stopped to look at it, and I could tell we were thinking the same thing. It looked just like a bird that he had drawn and painted in God's hands earlier this year. It was to comfort friends who had just tragically lost their full-term little girl, on the day she was born. Rowan had dreamt of God holding the precious baby girl in his hands, and woke up telling me that I should tell her Mom and Dad a special message: "God doesn't have all of us in His hands, he has each of us in His hands." It was such a simple, yet profound thought. He wanted them to know that God knew her, knew her name, and was holding her personally, in His own two hands. Here is the picture that he painted for them last Spring, to depict his dream and the special message he had for them.
We also sent them this picture and little ceramic bird, back in April, to remind them that God had her in His hands.
When we saw this bird ornament last week, Rowan and I both knew that we needed to buy it for them. Rowan painted it with such care, and then wanted to put her initials on the bird. He wrote it himself and then we wood burned the initials into the ornament. I thought it was the perfect personal touch.
I mailed the ornament to her parents and they received it today. The mother sent me such a sweet text when she opened it, with pictures of the ornament...and a Christmas tree that they had set up, just for their sweet angel! We did not know that they had a memory tree for her this Christmas! We had just thought they could put it on their own Christmas tree, to remember her. But, God had other plans. Their neighbors had set up a special tree all for Kollyns and brought them personalized ornaments over a period of a couple weeks. So, it was just perfect that they could add Rowan's painted bird to the tree too. That truly warmed my heart.
One thing that the mother said to me today really struck me, and I feel like it's important to share. She was so touched by Rowan remembering their sweet Kollyns. She said: "Keeping her memory alive is so very important to us." I thought long and hard about that statement, and my whole perspective changed.
Many of us don't know what to say to someone who has lost a child, or we may be afraid to "bring them up", for fear that we will stir up too many sad emotions. But not talking about them can make the parents feel like we don't care, or don't remember. Put yourself in their shoes for a moment. Can you imagine anything worse than someone not acknowledging or remembering your child?! It must be beyond devastating. I can't even imagine that happening to me. I can't imagine someone never again mentioning one of my children's names. Let that sink in for a minute. I don't mean to be rude or shocking, I am just trying to put things in perspective. I want to be real and honest. I want to help us all help our friends who are suffering losses.
The lesson here is to talk to your friends who have lost children, bring them up, mention their names, send them keepsakes, honor the fact that they existed...keep their memory alive!
In loving memory of:
Kollyns Grace Hyder
To read the original blog post about Rowan's painting for Kollyns go to: http://rowansstory.blogspot.com/2015/04/each-of-us.html