October 6th was Olivia's birthday. The 2nd one she has gotten to spend with Jesus in Heaven, but the 2nd one her parents and siblings have had to celebrate without her here physically.
I wasn't able to make it out to the cemetery that day (her Mom and Dad know why), but I went alone the very next day, with a special picnic planned.
Her family had decorated her headstone so beautifully, with her favorite colors, pink and purple.
I had been texting her Mommy and Daddy all day the day before, as we all tried to locate a special Angelina Ballerina book. Her Mommy thought they had it, and I had ordered one just in case, but it didn't arrive in time. We both looked at 3 different stores too, but just could not find the book anywhere on her birthday.
The reason I wanted it was because the last thing I ever did with precious Olivia was watch an Angelina Ballerina video at her house with her, on one of our Wednesday visits. (Near the end, I visited her every Wednesday, and sat with her holding her hand, watching videos, offering her sips of water, and praying over her, as I let her Mommy have short little breaks to do something around the house.) I will never ever forget that last such Wednesday. I didn't know it would be the last one...but it is ingrained in my mind forever.
I wanted to read the book at Olivia's grave on her birthday... but we simply could not find it anywhere! Everything happens for a reason though, and maybe I wasn't supposed to find it. Instead, I decided to make my own special personalized Happy Birthday Olivia book, with Angelina Ballerina pictures that I could color, while I read my own words to her. So that is what I did.
I brought her pink and purple flowers...
and bubbles to blow...
and chocolate, chocolate, cake, just like the one Zoe made for her the last time Olivia was able to come to our house...
and dip n dots ice cream...
(ok, and some other "bubbles" to toast to her beautiful life;)
I sat down and stared at the blank pages of the book I had made her, and at first all I could do was cry.
Memories of every time she gave me the "I love you" sign came flooding back. We had taught her that at our house one night, when she started losing her ability to speak, so she would have a way to communicate with her beloved family. She did it so often after that:)
I reminisced about her and I comparing toe nail polish, and how excited I was when we both happened to have the same color...
And then I closed my eyes and could almost feel her tiny hand in mine again...
even on that very last day...
All of those priceless memories finally encouraged me to color the pages in the homemade book, to fill it with all the beautiful pinks and purples I could find in the box of markers.
...with a little bit of orange for Rowan of course;)
Afterward I placed the pink and purple flowers around her monument...
and blew bubbles, just as Rowan would have wanted me to do...
At one point, after I had been there about an hour, I looked up from my blanket at Olivia's grave (that is Rowan's, in the middle, straight ahead of hers), and I started to feel a little guilty for how much time I had stayed at her spot, instead of his. Then, a huge gust of wind blew through the cemetery, and I remembered what Olivia's Mommy had just said when she went to read a hippo book to Rowan recently: "there's no jealousy in heaven". And I knew she was right, that Rowan understood.
I did leave him 2 of her pink flowers, and kissed his marker, and told him I loved him.
But that day, that day was Olivia's day...
my little Angelina Ballerina...
Happy 8th Birthday Olivia!
Your Mommy, Daddy, CJ and Alyssa love and miss you so much... as do I,
but I'm sure Rowan and his other angel friends helped you celebrate with Jesus... big time!
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