Cotton Candy, Connect Four and Umbrellas...what friends are made of...

I have posted blogs about Rowan's sweet friend Charlotte many times.  She is battling Leukemia for the second time...she is winning for the second time.  Rowan was alongside her the first time.  This time he is watching over her from above.  We all want this to be the last time she goes through this.  We all want her to be done with cancer once and for all.  In the meantime, I enjoy spending time with her whenever I can.  Sometimes its hard not having Rowan with me.  Her Dad and I used to play with them in the hospital play room, or I would take them on play dates or picnics at the park.  Now, since Rowan went to Heaven, Charlotte and I play at her house or in her hospital room.  We do art projects, I teach her to sew, we play board games...which she always wins:)  She seems to enjoy it.  I have grown to need it.  I think we both feel closer to Rowan when we are together.  We have wonderful conversations about him.  Today was no different.

Charlotte immediately gave me a gift box to open, and said she had made me something special.  When I opened it, I saw a beautiful orange and green bracelet that she had made me.  I said "My favorite color is green and Rowan's was orange!", and she smiled really big and said "I know! That's why I made it those colors."  Then she placed it on my wrist.

I love it!

I also always love seeing art that she and I have done together in the past, in her house.  She and I did this "I am" collage and this water color peacock over the past few months, and they are still proudly displayed in her kitchen.

 

Today I took Charlotte something we had talked about a few months ago, something Charlotte was really excited about.  It belonged to Rowan.  I have many fond memories of him with it.  But it has sat in a box for nearly a year and a half now...since before he left for Seattle for his transplants.  It was his vintage cotton candy machine.  It was tough to part with at first, but now I am so glad I did.  Just look at the joy it brought her...which brought me even more joy.

Next up, we played a game.  I always let Charlotte pick the game from their game closet.  She always beats me.  It doesn't matter what the game is.  It doesn't matter how hard I try.  Again, today was no different.  We played Connect Four...best out of 5.  She won 3 times in a row!  She cracks me up so much.  So dramatic, just like Rowan.  I think that's why they got along so well.  

The first game started off innocently enough...

Then Charlotte put on her game face... and won round one.

She asked me for my best game face...

Then she upped hers...

Within minutes, she had beaten me two more times in a row... and she celebrated by throwing the pieces in the air...

We laughed and laughed.

She showed me a book she had written, just a few weeks after Rowan passed away this past year.  She wanted me to see that she used a picture I had taken of her when I took her and Rowan to a restaurant on the San Antonio River Walk, where they used French fries as mustaches.  She told me...and I quote her..."I thought the picture you took of me was worthy of a book cover".  I cracked up, but she was right.

Charlotte and I have a longstanding tradition of taking selfies together.  I always want one smiley/pretty one of us together, and then I let her talk me into silly ones.

Once it was time for me to head home, Charlotte noticed that it was raining out.  She said "Oh No!"  I told her I would be fine, that her driveway was close and I would make it to my car just fine.  However, she was insistent that she go get 2 umbrellas and escort me out to my car.  She told me we could each use one to get out to the car, then once I was in my van, she would take mine from me and take them both back into the house.  Such a doll.  So thoughtful, and her plan worked perfectly:)

 

I told her that I loved her, would miss her, and would come see her next week if she was feeling up to it.  She took both umbrellas and gave me that bright Charlotte smile, before heading back to the house.  Once again, I was reminded of the last time Rowan left her house before Seattle.  They talked about him coming back after his grand adventure.  It breaks my heart that he didn't return to her, but I am in awe of her strength and resiliency, and so grateful that she is comfortable enough with me to be one of my best friends now too.

Thank you for a great afternoon my sweet, sweet, Charlotte.  Thank you for the friendship bracelet, the fun, and the umbrella.  I love you so much sweetheart!

"Playing tag with Rowan in Heaven"- Happy Birthday Jalene!

Today would be Rowan's friend Jalene's 7th birthday. 

It's the first one they'll celebrate in heaven together.  I can only imagine the fun they are having together up there.  This makes the 3rd birthday this month alone that Rowan has celebrated with one of his angel friends in heaven.  Olivia's birthday was on October 6th, Chrissie's on October 8th, and now Jalene's on October 25th.  It doesn't seem possible.  It doesn't seem right.  Little kids... 4 year olds, 6 year olds, 10 year olds... they've all had their last birthday parties here on Earth.  I celebrate their lives at their graves now.

But I keep trying to think of what Rowan would tell me.  I know it would be profound.  I know it would be positive.  I know he would want me to smile instead of cry.  So, I got myself out of bed today and did what he would do if he were here himself.  I did it for him.  I did it for Jalene.  And it was a precious time.

I brought all of the things that Rowan would have brought to Jalene's gravesite...like he brought there in the past actually. 

Flowers, balloons, a picture that an awesome young lady in Seattle drew for Rowan while he was in the hospital there last year, a birthday note, and a photo of Rowan and Jalene, taken just a few weeks before she passed. 

The cemetery was so still this morning.  So quiet.  So peaceful.

I went alone. 

I just wanted to sit and talk to Jalene and Rowan myself. 

To pray.  To cry. 

To smile at their beautiful smiles.

 

I love the photo above.  They have the same smile.

I know they are ok.  They are more than ok.  They are the lucky ones. 

I asked them to send Jalene's Mommy and I signs that they are near us...and of course, they did...even as I sat there.  I buried my head in my hands at one point, crying for our babies.  Missing these angels in my life.  Missing their voices, their smiles, their messages of faith, hope and love.  As my head was down, I felt a leaf land in my lap.  It's Fall, so I realize a leaf landing in my lap is not a huge surprise...but this leaf was special.  Just look at it.  One half had 3 holes in the shape of hearts, and the other half had one hole in the shape of heart.  It brought a smile to my face.  Rowan found hearts in EVERYTHING.  I looked at this leaf, and these hearts, and thought...it's like the 3 hearts are Jalene, Chrissie and Olivia, and the fourth one is Rowan.

I smiled through my tears.

As I mentioned it had been so still this morning, so quiet, but all of the sudden, after I saw the hearts on the leaf, the wind picked up suddenly and the pink and orange balloons that I had brought along with the Happy Birthday balloon started dancing in the wind.  But it was more than that.  The Happy Birthday foil balloon went back behind the headstone for quite a while, and the pink and orange balloons were the only 2 moving around. 

The next 7 photos were taken in succession, one after the other, just seconds apart.  They kept switching sides, bouncing off of one another and then trading places.  The pink on the right, then the orange on the right, the pink up above, and then the orange up above, etc.  I watched them chase each other around the headstone and I actually laughed out loud. 

See Rowan dreamed of his angel friends in heaven often, and he said so many times that they were "playing tag" up in heaven.  He dreamed of playing tag with them all the time.  I always thought that was interesting because I do not believe that Rowan actually ever played tag a day in his life.  He did not go to school, he was homeschooled alone.  He obviously never played tag with his friends at the hospital or clinic.  During play practice, he certainly never played tag onstage or backstage.  At soccer, they played soccer.  So "playing tag" was something he never did on Earth, but dreamt of doing with his angel friends in Heaven often.  I took this as a sign that he was reminding me of all the fun he was having with his friends up there...running around, playing tag, being kids.

Then, as I looked to my right, there was one of the orange carnations that I had brought, laying in the grass alone.  It had broken off apparently.  I had pink flowers to represent Jalene and orange to represent Rowan.  I had not seen this single orange flower fall from the bunch though.  I felt like Rowan wanted me to take this one with me, along with the leaf, to remember that he is still with me.

I kissed Jalene's picture on her headstone, and wished her a Happy Birthday, and just then the foil Happy Birthday balloon started to rise back up again, to join the pink and orange balloons.

The sun was shining so bright.  It was a beautiful morning. 

I went back to my car to grab one more thing...Bubbles. 

Rowan loved bubbles. 

They reminded him of his friends.  He blew them in every state on our way to Seattle, so his angel friends could follow him.  We blew them from the top of Enchanted Rock at his celebration of life.  I blew them at his grave on his birthday in July.  I blew them at Jalene's grave today, for her birthday.

Happy Birthday Jalene!  

We love and miss you dearly, but know you are playing the best game of tag ever with Rowan today!