Today would be Rowan's friend Jalene's 7th birthday.
It's the first one they'll celebrate in heaven together. I can only imagine the fun they are having together up there. This makes the 3rd birthday this month alone that Rowan has celebrated with one of his angel friends in heaven. Olivia's birthday was on October 6th, Chrissie's on October 8th, and now Jalene's on October 25th. It doesn't seem possible. It doesn't seem right. Little kids... 4 year olds, 6 year olds, 10 year olds... they've all had their last birthday parties here on Earth. I celebrate their lives at their graves now.
But I keep trying to think of what Rowan would tell me. I know it would be profound. I know it would be positive. I know he would want me to smile instead of cry. So, I got myself out of bed today and did what he would do if he were here himself. I did it for him. I did it for Jalene. And it was a precious time.
I brought all of the things that Rowan would have brought to Jalene's gravesite...like he brought there in the past actually.
Flowers, balloons, a picture that an awesome young lady in Seattle drew for Rowan while he was in the hospital there last year, a birthday note, and a photo of Rowan and Jalene, taken just a few weeks before she passed.
The cemetery was so still this morning. So quiet. So peaceful.
I went alone.
I just wanted to sit and talk to Jalene and Rowan myself.
To pray. To cry.
To smile at their beautiful smiles.
I love the photo above. They have the same smile.
I know they are ok. They are more than ok. They are the lucky ones.
I asked them to send Jalene's Mommy and I signs that they are near us...and of course, they did...even as I sat there. I buried my head in my hands at one point, crying for our babies. Missing these angels in my life. Missing their voices, their smiles, their messages of faith, hope and love. As my head was down, I felt a leaf land in my lap. It's Fall, so I realize a leaf landing in my lap is not a huge surprise...but this leaf was special. Just look at it. One half had 3 holes in the shape of hearts, and the other half had one hole in the shape of heart. It brought a smile to my face. Rowan found hearts in EVERYTHING. I looked at this leaf, and these hearts, and thought...it's like the 3 hearts are Jalene, Chrissie and Olivia, and the fourth one is Rowan.
I smiled through my tears.
As I mentioned it had been so still this morning, so quiet, but all of the sudden, after I saw the hearts on the leaf, the wind picked up suddenly and the pink and orange balloons that I had brought along with the Happy Birthday balloon started dancing in the wind. But it was more than that. The Happy Birthday foil balloon went back behind the headstone for quite a while, and the pink and orange balloons were the only 2 moving around.
The next 7 photos were taken in succession, one after the other, just seconds apart. They kept switching sides, bouncing off of one another and then trading places. The pink on the right, then the orange on the right, the pink up above, and then the orange up above, etc. I watched them chase each other around the headstone and I actually laughed out loud.
See Rowan dreamed of his angel friends in heaven often, and he said so many times that they were "playing tag" up in heaven. He dreamed of playing tag with them all the time. I always thought that was interesting because I do not believe that Rowan actually ever played tag a day in his life. He did not go to school, he was homeschooled alone. He obviously never played tag with his friends at the hospital or clinic. During play practice, he certainly never played tag onstage or backstage. At soccer, they played soccer. So "playing tag" was something he never did on Earth, but dreamt of doing with his angel friends in Heaven often. I took this as a sign that he was reminding me of all the fun he was having with his friends up there...running around, playing tag, being kids.
Then, as I looked to my right, there was one of the orange carnations that I had brought, laying in the grass alone. It had broken off apparently. I had pink flowers to represent Jalene and orange to represent Rowan. I had not seen this single orange flower fall from the bunch though. I felt like Rowan wanted me to take this one with me, along with the leaf, to remember that he is still with me.
I kissed Jalene's picture on her headstone, and wished her a Happy Birthday, and just then the foil Happy Birthday balloon started to rise back up again, to join the pink and orange balloons.
The sun was shining so bright. It was a beautiful morning.
I went back to my car to grab one more thing...Bubbles.
Rowan loved bubbles.
They reminded him of his friends. He blew them in every state on our way to Seattle, so his angel friends could follow him. We blew them from the top of Enchanted Rock at his celebration of life. I blew them at his grave on his birthday in July. I blew them at Jalene's grave today, for her birthday.
Happy Birthday Jalene!
We love and miss you dearly, but know you are playing the best game of tag ever with Rowan today!
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