"Olivia, 2 days with Jesus..." (I hope Rowan is spinning you round and round in heaven beauitful girl.)

Olivia Asia Bicknell

10/6/2010 - 5/19/2017

Oh Olivia,

where do I begin...

I could begin with the photo of when you and Rowan first (and last) fist bumped each other, 3 years ago at Copa Wine Bar.

Or, I could talk about that glorious meal we shared with your family at Gennaro's just over 2 months ago... the spaghetti and meatballs, the chocolate cake, the fellowship, the laughs, the tears...how we became more than friends...we became family that night...

(I love that you have Rowan's bracelet on in this one:)

Then, when I asked your Mom what your favorite foods were, and she sent me the list, and I decided then and there, that you would have it ALL!  Here is "Olivia's menu", from the night your family came to dinner at our house.  Zoe and I loved preparing this all for you, and boy did you seem to enjoy it...

Especially, not one, but two chocolate cakes made by Zoe...

We had to pry it from your hands after you devoured those two pieces of cake:)

I will never forget holding you in my arms...it was the closest thing to holding Rowan that I had felt since he passed...

Brian got in on that loving too...

Then Max and Margot suddenly became therapy dogs, as you let them love on you too...

Cj and Alyssa had fun painting with Ian...

Brian taught you how to do the "I love you" sign...and I remember him telling your Mom and Dad, "Sometimes, that was all Rowan could do to communicate with us...she needs to know how to tell you she loves you."  And you picked it right up...showing me again as I buckled you into your car seat.

Just a month later, I went to visit you in Houston as you were undergoing more treatment at MD Anderson.  I brought you light up drumsticks (like Rowan used in Seattle), a soft blankie (just like Rowan always loved), and a light up dolphin.

You thanked me by giving me the "I love you sign"...and my heart melted.

We played, and I prayed, while the doctors talked to Mommy and Daddy.

(I love that your drumsticks are making a cross here:)

Then, I got to spend most of that weekend by your side there in the hospital, holding your hand, singing you lullabies, getting kisses, hugs, and "I love you signs" every few minutes...

(This double "I love you" was the best ever!)

But, witnessing your Mommy, Daddy, brother and sister spend time with you...that is what I enjoyed watching the most.  The love in that room...was so strong you felt like you could reach out and grab it... I wanted to put some in my pocket, and save it forever.  That's how strong your families love is.

I will never forget that feeling...the love they have for you...they way I could actually "feel" it.

Sweet Olivia...

My beautiful, sweet, "new bow every time I saw you" Olivia...

Oh, how I have enjoyed our Wednesday visits the last few weeks.  Thank you for always managing a grin when I pulled out my phone for a selfie with you...

And for always managing an "I love you" sign... which I would immediately text to Brian...

Then, there was this past Wednesday, May 17th.  I came to your house and told your Mommy, "Go get a bubble bath or take a nap, I'll be right out here with her".  Your silly Mom asked if she could clean her room instead.  I said of course, that she could do whatever she wanted or needed to do, I had just hoped it would be something more relaxing :)

For the next two hours, I held your tiny hand, we watched Angelina Ballerina on loop, I prayed for you, I whispered "I love you beautiful", kissed your forehead and brushed your bangs out of your face, talked to you about what color we should paint our toe nails next, and gave you the "I love you" sign, time and time again.

What I did not know, was that this would be...

(The last time I held your hand.)

(The last "I love you" sign that I texted to Brian."

(Our last selfie.)

Olivia Asia Bicknell, left this world, and went to heaven less than 48 hours later, on Friday morning, May 19th, 2017.

Olivia, I envision you running through heaven's gates, Rowan fist bumping you again, and then picking you up by the waist and spinning you around, again and again...before taking your tiny hand (like I held it so many times these past 2 months), and running with you to introduce you to Jesus, all of Rowan's angel friends, and then finally taking you to see his grandma and your grandma, as they sat together telling each other about their grandbabies.  I imagine your grandma scooping you up, as my Mom scooped up Rowan, and everyone smiling, and laughing, tears of joy running down their faces.  It's the same type of reunion that I can't wait to happen, when the rest of our family and yours get up there to join you and Rowan.  But for now...

I think of your Daddy's favorite verse ever, the one on your bracelet...

And I think of Rowan's drawing he did about this verse long ago...

And I pray that gives your Mommy and Daddy comfort, to know that the Lord has you safely tucked under his wing.

Please give your Mommy and Daddy signs, and CJ & Alyssa too.  They love and miss you so very much already.  I've laughed with them and cried with them since you went to heaven. Oh how they love you, and oh the amazing memories you all created.

I miss holding your hand myself already too.  I don't know what I will do this Wednesday.

But I do know this...

Your family has some of the strongest faith I have ever witnessed...

God brought our families together for a reason...

You and Rowan left this world sooner than we would have liked, but God's ways are perfect...

And I know everything is working for His glory...

"For we have this hope

As an anchor for our soul

You are with us

We will never be alone"

("For a moment" by Elevation Worship)

If you are reading this post, please lift up the Bicknell family tonight, and in the days to come.

And remember Olivia's Light...always.

*** In my last blog post, I talked about when I was visiting Chrissie's grave this Friday, which was the 7th anniversary of her passing, and then how I left to go to Rowan's grave from there.  I mentioned helping a funeral director set up multiple floral arrangements for a service that was happening that day, because I had noticed she was working alone.  Then, I ended the blog after detailing how I found one single pink flower that had fallen from one of the floral arrangements, laying on the path, as I walked back to my car.  At the time, I thought it was a sign from Chrissie.  Once I got home, and learned of Olivia's passing, and after talking to her Dad, and him telling his son, "We are going to start seeing pink and purple everywhere"...I now know, that this single fallen flower was a symbol of Olivia's passing, a goodbye sign from her...but just an Earthly goodbye.***