Chrissie: Rowan's "girlfriend in heaven", 2555 days with Jesus...

Seven years ago today, Rowan's first angel friend went to heaven...Chrissie.  He was three years old, and she was just four.  If you knew Rowan, or have followed this blog, or even if you just attended or watched Rowan's funeral, then you know all about Chrissie... Rowan's "girlfriend in heaven".  They had a connection that was not of this world.  He dreamed of her in heaven many times, saw her in his hospital room on multiple occasions, and she sent him messages from heaven often.  For the past seven years since her death, he has visited her grave at least twice a year, on her birthday and on the anniversary of the day she went to heaven.  Today would be the first time I would go without him for one of those visits, but I knew he would want me to still do it.  So I did what Rowan would have done if he were here...

I put on my pink Chrissie "Boss Your Heart" shirt...

just like the one he wore last year on this day...

I brought her flowers, just like he always did...

I brought her balloons, just like he always did...

I brought a picture/card to tie on the pink wrought iron gate around her grave, just like he always did...

I knelt down, touched the stone at the foot of her grave and said a prayer, just like Rowan always did...

It was difficult to be there without him, I'm not going to lie...but I felt his presence the whole time. 

He loved watching the windmill, and seeing Chrissie's favorite "lake".

Some of the many "tokens" he has brought or made for Chrissie over the years are still there...faded from the sun, paint washed away from the hot Texas sun, but still there...

(Rowan left this butterfly stepping stone on a previous visit, but I remember it like it was yesterday...)

(Rowan painted this rock with bright colors years ago...its faded now, but I still recognize it.)

(Rowan painted this cross.  I know it had beautiful colorful details all over it originally, but I love that you can still see the R for Rowan and the C for Chrissie.)

There were two butterflies fluttering around together (just like I saw on Mother's Day) and it reminded me that Rowan always dreamed of playing tag with Chrissie in heaven.  I am sure they did that today. Even as I walked back to my van afterwards, the air suddenly stilled to a complete calm, and I paused to soak in the birds chirping and the windmill turning, then all of the sudden I felt it...a huge gust of wind, the warm breeze, the Rowan hug.  Just like I always feel at the cemetery when I visit Rowan.

Chrissie's Mommy was flying back home today, so I did not get to share my time there with her.  However, just as I was getting in to my car, one of Lorraine's daughter's came down the hill to bring me flowers.  They were the most beautiful orange tulips with pink tips!

She had meant to get them to me on Mother's Day, and they had been in their fridge since then.  They looked perfect still, and I think today was the perfect day for me to receive them.  They were a perfect mix of orange and pink...a perfect mix of Rowan and Chrissie.  Another sign that they are together in heaven.

I drove from Chrissie's resting place out to Rowan's, about an hour away.  I wrote in my journal, watched 2 more butterflies chase each other, and felt another warm breeze from Rowan.  I left the beautiful tulips on Rowan's grave...

all except one...

...that one I took home as my own reminder, that they are together, perfect, healthy and whole in Heaven with Jesus.

As I walked back to my van to leave, I noticed there was a funeral director opening up the back of a van near the pavilion.  The pavilion was set up for a graveside service and the van was filled to the brim with flower arrangements.  I started to ask if she needed help, but wondered if that was even ok for me to ask, so I kept walking.  As I grabbed the handle of my car door though, I felt Rowan nudging me, telling me "Mom, go help her".  She was all alone, and it was a lot of flowers, so I did.  When I offered to help she seemed surprised, and asked if I was there for the service or visiting my own loved one.  I told her I was visiting my son, but that it looked like she could use some help.  She was in a nice suit, so I climbed inside the back of the van and began pulling the sprays, vases, floral stands etc. out one by one.  Then she and I placed them all around the pavilion and behind the casket stand. This is the same pavilion where Rowan's casket lay just a few months ago, with our family and friends surrounding us.  She and I chatted as we moved the flowers, and ended up talking about today being Chrissie's 7 year anniversary of meeting Jesus, and Rowan's 156 days with Jesus.  She hugged me tightly and said that this service was for a woman in her 20s, and that that was a nice way of thinking of it, as difficult as it is to lay someone to rest.  She thanked me for helping and I started walking back to my van.  I noticed one single flower on the ground on the driveway, the only one that had fallen off of the 20 or so arrangements that she and I had carried down that path.  It was a single perfect pink flower, a pink carnation.  She picked it up, just as I smiled and thought... a God wink.  I saw it as a sign from Chrissie.

An hour later, I received some news that made me realize that single pink flower that fell, was a different kind of a sign...

I am too emotional to explain tonight, so I will end this post here...but later this weekend, I will do another post and explain what that single pink fallen flower really signified...

For now... We love you and we miss you Chrissie. 

I know you are twirling and spinning, and chasing Rowan all over heaven.  Give him a hug for me.  And Rowan, give Chrissie a hug from her Mommy too.  Until we are all together again... keep giving us those signs.