"Our Little Trooper"

"Our Little Trooper"
"Let me live, that I may praise you!" Psalm 119:175

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Part 1: "The Casket"

I will need to break up the posts about Rowan's memorial service, burial, and celebration of life.  First, because there is so much to share, but also in order for me to be able to get through each post emotionally.  Please bear with me.  This is the story surrounding Rowan's beautiful casket.



First let me say that child size caskets are quite literally heart-breaking.  They are too small.  It does not compute that a lifeless body should be in something that size.  Children that size should be running, jumping, playing and laughing. 

But, when your child dies...you have to get past that mentality.  You simply just have to. 

The thought of going and selecting a casket for Rowan made me want to pass out.  I didn't know how I would ever be able to do it. 

Thank God for Trey Ganem, with Trey Ganem Designs.

Trey is an extremely talented artist who designs, paints and creates the most beautifully unique, personalized caskets, not just for adults, but also for children.  The caskets he designs for children, are his passion, his talent, his gift from God.  He does these, quite often on a pay it forward system, accepting donations towards the next family to lose a child.  He did Jalene's beautiful "Frozen" themed casket, and then did Julian's awesome "Captain America" themed casket less than a month later.  He had also followed Rowan for some time, and felt connected to him because they both shared a similar gift...a God given gift of helping people who have lost loved ones.  Rowan was able to see his friends in Heaven and give messages to their parents.  Trey has the gift of "Letting Souls Shine". 

Both, help bridge that gap between Heaven and Earth for those of us who are grieving.  Trey offered to do Rowan's casket and I immediately took him up on it.  Not only had I seen his craftsmanship and loved it, but I also knew he would be led to create a perfect "Rowan" casket.  Something I could not do at the time.  I only gave Trey a few notes... I wanted it to include: "hope", "Let me live, that I may praise you" Psalm 119:175, and "Love your Life!", and I told him that everyone knew Rowan loved, and was often referred to as, Iron Man.  Otherwise, I told him I trusted him and to please run with it.  He told me that he already had a lot of ideas and told me how very special this one was going to be for him.  From there, I tried to put it out of my mind.  I trusted him, and I just couldn't think about it anymore.

When I finally went to Olinger-Saenz Mortuary to meet Trey, as he delivered the casket for Rowan's body...my knees were buckling, my stomach was turning, I honestly did not even want to walk in.  At the last minute, as Zoe and I walked in the front door and Trey pulled around back to bring in the casket, I looked at Zoe and said, "I can't do this.  Let's go."  We knew we couldn't do that though, so we continued. 

Meeting Trey, immediately my nerves calmed.  I felt a peace fall over me, God's peace.  I knew and felt that he was proud and comfortable of what he had created for Rowan, and I knew without a doubt that it was God-led.  He walked us to the back.  Zoe and I both burst into tears.  You just can't help but do so, when you see a small casket, built for your child, your little brother.  But my tears were not all tears of sadness.  I was also awestruck.



It was PERFECT.  In every way.  It had Rowan's name, his verse, his favorite quote, and it was Iron Man themed.  But, beyond that, it had the most beautiful selection of our favorite photos of Rowan all along an old timey film strip that ran along the base of the casket.  All his best poses.  All him shining alone, except for my favorite picture of him and Jalene. It had a perfect orange sky atop the casket too.  It was PERFECT.  It was so sad...but it was so perfect.  I don't really know how to explain the feelings I was feeling.  The worst pain ever, combined with the comfort and joy of his life truly being captured in this timeless functional piece of art. 













I remember that I initially thought, "this is too pretty to be put in the ground".  Then I immediately corrected my thoughts, saying, "I wouldn't have him buried in anything less beautiful though".

Trey, during my darkest of times...during a time when I had no energy or creativity to contribute to this endeavor...you picked up all the slack.  God enabled you to give my son the most beautifully perfect representation of his life...during his death.  I could not ask for anything more.



Trey knew that we had planned for a closed casket, because of all that Rowan endured during his two transplants and as he battled at the end.  We wanted people to remember the Rowan we all knew and loved...  the happy, thin, smiley, freckle faced, red-head who was so full of life. So Trey made this board that was inlaid into the inside top of Rowan's casket.  One that we could remove prior to his service if we chose to do so, and keep it in our family.  So thoughtful of him...



Rowan was already in Heaven, we have no doubt about that.  But his body went into the ground...into complete darkness forever (his body)...in a gorgeous, bright, orange sky, Iron Man, casket with a film highlight reel of his life surrounding it.  God bless you for what you did for Rowan and our family Trey.  God bless you for what you do for countless others.

If anyone else feels led to donate to Trey's cause...he does accept donations, and uses them to "pay it forward" to families in need, who are facing sudden loss and the astronomical cost of burying their children.  If you would like to donate to Trey Ganem Designs in Rowan's memory please reach out to him at one of the numbers below or visit his website http://www.treyganemdesigns.com/. 







 


17 comments:

  1. Beautifully written...THANK YOU so much Trey for your dedication and effort!!!

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  2. Ģood job Trey! I never got to see Rowan in person but his casket was such a great representation of who he was. I really wish I could have met this incredible little boy that stole my heart.😭 Meeting his wonderful family at his services and knowing that Rowans body was in that tiny, beautifully made casket was heartbreaking. You are an amazing and strong family! I thank you all for sharing your piece of Heaven with us!

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  3. I work at a funeral home but I can tell you this is the most beautiful casket I have ever seen. Bless you Trey. Still… I cannot imagine what you're going through Carrie. I think of you often. Though I never met Rowan he was a special part of my life every day on Facebook. Thank you so much for sharing your little angel with us

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  4. Such beautiful work for a true hero!! Trey did my sons custom casket as well and words can't express how I felt when I laid eyes on the casket! Trey and his crew did such an amazing job all the feelings and sorrow I had at that moment went into an amazing smile knowing my son was smiling down at me Saying"Momma thank you such an wonderful piece to celebrate my life"! Trey is a true Angel sent here on earth for us!! Thank you again for your AMAZING WORK TREY!!!

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  5. Oh my. You have the best way with words Carrie. Thank you for sharing. I have gone with loved ones to help pick out their loved ones caskets for adults. I turned once and saw a childs size. Just seeing one knocks you to your knees. You did well by trusting this man to honor Rowan.

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  6. tears in a grown mans eyes

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  7. I understand your loss..(do I ever)but please remember you have two other kids.This may seem a harsh criticism but its true.its tragic.a story i followed since jalene.U lost a child but your husband lost a child too.this whole year its been all you've done.not acknowledging your husband but rarely.even on zoe's birthday u made it all about Rowen.he's gone.mourn and move on so that you can give as much attention to your existing children and your husband.they have ssacrificedso much as well-

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    1. You must not know us. You must not know me. You must not have read the post I did when Brian and the kids finally made it to Rowan's ICU room on his death bed. How I took pictures of each of them with Rowan, and of each of them holding each other up. How I said how much pain AND love was in those photos. How I acknowledged how difficult it was for them to have been so far away while all of this happened. I met them in the hallway outside his room to prepare them for what they were about to walk in to. They were my main concern. I let them make all the final decisions about when we stopped the machines. Not me. It had to be on their time, because they were losing him too. And didn't get all the time I had with him in recent months. I included Ian's drawing in the funeral program, and Zoe's speech, and as for Brian...you must not know him either...people grieve differently. He did not wish to speak yet, he is a more private person. He does not like to be included in my blogs much or on Facebook. Our family is doing the best we can...together and each individually. Brian and I had our arms around each other on top of enchanted rock, and in the front row of our son's funeral. We held each child's hand (Zoe and Ian) when they broke down and cried at the service. We hugged each other and stood together, just the four of us, multiple times this weekend, praying, crying and even laughing together. How dare you judge me.

      I wish you hadn't made this ANONYMOUS, so I could just respond to you privately, but you did. I don't even like arguing or defending myself on here, but I just couldn't ignore your attack on my character and grieving process. If you do not know me, live with me, walk in my shoes...then some things are better left unsaid. So hurtful.

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    2. From John Arnzen: "Dear "Anonymous" ..... The disgraceful and shameful insensitivity of your totally crass, deplorable and completely vile comments to Carrie and the Windham family are only exceeded by your utter cowardice. Who are YOU to publicly criticize, under the reprehensible guise of anonymity, a family that has endured the suffering and the anguish of helplessly witnessing their child's agonizing demise year after year after year. I personally had the honor of meeting Carrie and Rowan only once and I was astonished and given much personal inspiration myself by their steadfast, positive outlook on life, by their undaunted love FOR life ..... and yes, that outlook and love never waivered through Rowan's last breath. Berating you any further is not worth me expending another ounce of my energy ..... suffice it to say, perhaps redemption for your tarnished, scathing soul could be had with a privately expressed apology to Carrie and her family and unveiling the shroud of anonymity you currently hide behind in such a cowardly, self-indulgent and moronic fashion ..... the latter quality of being an obvious moron coming to light with your spelling of the deceased's name ..... The young, super-hero's name is spelled R O W A N not Rowen as you have sadly and mistakenly noted it to be. My name is John W. Arnzen and you can find my Facebook web page quite easily. If a surge of new found courage happens to emanate at any time from somewhere in what as of now must be considered your less than feeble mind, I would be delighted to be engaged by you through whatever means of communication you choose.

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  8. Carrie thank you for responding. I do not know whom this person is but they had no right to think, let alone say what they just posted. They do not know you or your family. God Bless each of you, give you strength and hold you forever close. Rowan was and is an exceptional young man with a very special family. This family chose to share their lives with all of us. They allowed Rowan to shine, to share and to teach each of us sooo much!! Thank you for what you did not have to do. Bless You. I just wish I could do more, say more. I wish I could take all of your pain away. Hugs and Love to Each of You!
    Rowan is right there with you, holding you, keeping each of you strong. I know he is sending you all little reminders in his own special way!! He is flying with arms wide open--Loving His Life!!
    Thank You Trey for doing such a wonderful, amazing and very special thing for this family. I know Rowan loved it. God guides you and I know you are a true blessing to so many!! God Bless You Always!

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  9. That is one of the coolest things I've ever seen! Trey is The Man!! I'm definitely going to donate to this project!

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  10. Anonymous up there better pray really hard I don't trace your IP address...anyways, Carrie, I really hope you know you are doing beyond what most people would be capable of in your situation...you are truly the super hero i think he was actually lookin up to but since he was so dang smart, he knew that it would be better to pretend it was Ironman, ya know? Even tho I do get caught up from time to time in the superhero antics, I think Rowan was blessed beyond our comprehension...he said and did things that, not only, gave us a new perspective about the world we live in now but also things that we will come to learn over time that will make more sense than we can imagine...it was a blessing to be in your loving family's presence and I am lucky to have had the chance to meet this gentleman named Rowan..."Don't just dance like no ones looking, dance like you're the only one that can hear the music!" Everything will eventually fall into place...

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  11. I don't know you and I didn't know little Rowan but I want you to know that you are an awesome mommy. The things you did for Rowan and the sacrifices you have made are amazing. You helped Rowan live more in 10 years then some do in 80. Rowan was lucky to have gotten you as his Mommy! You have been strong when many would crumble. You handle your grief however you want and you take as long as you want. Nobody has any right at all to judge that. Hold your family tight and heal together in whatever way feels best. Lots of prayers to you and your family. Also, sending lots of prayers to anonymous up there. Obviously they need a little guidance from God as well.

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  12. I think that you gave birth to an amazing child. I think that you did everything exactly as you should have to make sure that everyone in your family was happy and Rowan wasn't alone. No matter what anyone thinks you are a good person and do not believe otherwise

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  13. I've never met you or Rowan but I feel like I came to know both of you through your blog and your facebook posts. I was introduced to you and Rowan through Margie Meadows Beecham, one of my facebook friends. I feel honored to have been able to follow Rowan's story and I remember in those last days I would wake up and check my facebook page for updates. I loved Rowan's smile and his freckles and his heart and soul. He was and is one of a kind. May God bless you and your family and heal your wounds. I know Rowan is there with you everyday. I think he's still with all of us who followed him. I'm so sorry that the love hurts us so bad but I'm glad for the ability to love and feel. And as for Trey and his creation-what a wonderful wonderful thing you did Trey. On a personal note, my son does woodcarving as a hobby and has built three small caskets for babies that have passed-he said it's one of the most gut wrenching things he's had to do but it's rewarding too. God bless you and hold you close.

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