"Our Little Trooper"

"Our Little Trooper"
"Let me live, that I may praise you!" Psalm 119:175

Saturday, January 28, 2017

My new Friday night normal...

My new Friday night routine...

Last Friday, when I picked Ian up from school I asked him if he was up for accompanying me to the cemetery, to go visit Rowan's grave.  He of course, being the amazing son he is, knew that I needed this, so he said "sure!"  As we started to drive out to the cemetery, Ian said, "Should we take some fries out there to share with him?"  I told him that was a great idea, and that we would run through Chic-Fil-A, after we stopped by HEB to buy him some flowers.

As soon as we walked in to HEB's floral department, Ian and I both caught sight of a sign, leaning up against the flower stands...

Of course it said...
"Let it Be"...
Of course...

(Thank you Rowan:)

Ian and I each chose a simple orange rose to take Rowan, to lay on his grave.

Then we went through Chic-Fil-A's drive thru, got our food, and asked them for "all the sauces", because that is something Rowan dreamed about being able to have..."all the sauces in the world!"  He had so many food allergies, he didn't have many options, especially at drive thru restaurants.

When Ian and I arrived at the cemetery, we went to Rowan's temporary marker, laid out a blanket, and set out our food, and his flowers.

We sat down next to Rowan's gravesite, on the blanket...and there was just complete silence.  This was the first trip back since he was buried...for Ian and I...for any of us.  I didn't know how to do this.  That's all I could think.  What do I do?  Do I talk to him?  Do we talk to each other about him?  How does this work?

But you know...as Ian and I sat there in silence for a few moments, I realized, I don't think there is a right or a wrong answer.  You do whatever feels right...or as 'right' as it can feel.  Whatever makes you feel better.  Whatever brings you peace.  Whatever helps you in that moment.

Despite not knowing how to do this, we had a really nice visit.  The weather was gorgeous when we arrived. 

And the sunset that fell after we had been there a little while, cast amazingly beautiful light all across the grounds, in true Rowan fashion.




Ian and I decided that this could be our new Friday routine...our new Friday normal...whenever possible, and we told Rowan we would see him soon.

 one more look back...

...and we headed to the car, to head home for the weekend.  It was a quiet drive home, and a few tears fell from my cheek, but it was also a peaceful drive home, and I was so glad we had made the trip out there.

I'm going to look forward to Fridays now...to quiet time with Rowan...to blankets on the cemetery grounds...to sunsets...and sometimes even to French fries...with "all the sauces in the world".

Love you my sweet boy...and miss you so very much.


  1. My heart still just breaks for you and your family. Emma (Beck) and I talk about Rowan often, and use him as an example of positivity and joy. I wore my shirt to work the other day @UnitedHealthCare, where someone recognized the shirt and told me that they had been "following" Rowan on Facebook. Rowan's life touched other people's lives, and he never knew about many of them.
    Your New Friday Night Normal sounds difficult but lovely as well. We will never forget precious Rowan.
    Emma and I pray for you daily.
    All our Best,
    Jennifer and Emma Beck

  2. LOVED this post Carrie!! We miss HOPE so much!! I simply wish I had spent more time with him and all of you!

  3. Oh Carrie everyday I look forward to your blogs. For the last 3 years Ive followed Rowan's journey and may I say you raised a wonderful Boy. My heart aches for you and just wanted to say you are forever in my prayers. I pray God Gives you the strength you need tovget through your days. I believe Rowan will always be a sign away!

  4. I am so very sorry. I ran across your blog by accident and could not stop reading. Your son had more life and hope in his 10 years than most people have in a life time. He was an old soul I would have loved to have known him. I can understand why so many people fell in love with him. I will remember him and spirt. God bless you.

  5. I thank You Father God, for blessing Carrie with comfort and strength to visit Rowan's grave on Friday. I thank You for Ian, for Ian's beautiful gentle soul. I thank You Father God, for perfect weather, sunset, and pictures.
    Prayers, blessings for Carrie, Brian, Zoe and Ian.

  6. God bless your and entire family rest easy rowan