"Our Little Trooper"

"Our Little Trooper"
"Let me live, that I may praise you!" Psalm 119:175

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Ian's essay..."Living in Rowan's shadow...coming into the light".


Ian is the best big brother any family could ever ask for.  He has never complained, never been bitter, never ever felt sorry for himself...even as he lived in Rowan's (and often Zoe's) shadow for ten years.  Instead, Ian loved, supported, and cheered us all on, comforted us when we needed it, kept his nose to the grindstone, excelled in school, etc.  If you really think about it...Ian has been the "unsung hero" of the family...never demanding attention, actually, always shying away from it.  He loves without boundaries, and without request for anything back in return.  To Rowan, Ian hung the moon...to the rest of us, Ian has held us all up, and kept us together.  He is our glue.  A quiet, shy, behind the scenes kind of glue...but our glue.
Ian is applying for a very prestigious leadership academy this Summer.  He had two essays to write for his application to this program.  Tonight he brought me a jump drive with his second essay on it.  This is completely unedited, unassisted, unbridled...this is how Ian feels.  It brought me to tears and to my knees simultaneously.  I am so proud of this boy...not just for his writing, but for the man he has become, despite the boyhood he lost out on. I love you Ian.  And yes, I know that none of us would change any of it for the world...but I am still so very proud of you!



 


"For most my life, I have molded my schedule and spare time around that of others, namely my little brother, Rowan. I guess you could say I took the whole “middle child syndrome” to heart, which wasn’t too hard to do when I could walk into our local hospital and be passed by six nurses on my way to the second floor, each asking if I was “Rowan’s brother.” He was a fiery personality that brightened the lives of everyone who had the chance to meet him. He was the sun that my world revolved around. He was only ten. For much of this last year, he and my mother spent their days in a hospital room in Seattle. He was enduring an experimental form of bone marrow transplant, and she was comforting and watching over him. Come December “last year” took on a new, more horrifying meaning for the all-too-young boy. He passed on the fifteenth of December, 2016; on my older sister’s birthday; five days before my own. It was… is tough, to say the least, but from the moment we landed in that Seattle airport that night, the night he died, I vowed that I wouldn’t let this change consume me. I am still going to dedicate every day to him, but I’m not going to let sadness overcome me. I’ve been learning, slowly, how to live my own life; how to become my own protagonist. I’ve been drawing, painting, learning to animate; all things that I have wanted to do more of and improve at, but never could when I was living as a supporting character in another story. From his passing, if there is one thing I have learned, it’s that I can help and support others’ lives without forfeiting my own."  ~ Ian Windham

8 comments:

  1. Wow Ian, that was awesome. I loved to write and all my teachers said I had the gift of writing. I unfortunately have had some, well 37 to be exact, strokes! I was diagnosed with Lupus, fibromyalga, Antiphosphorusantibodilipid syndrome, Glaucoma, neurogenic bladder, temporal mandibular joint syndrome, and Sjrogrens. All those csused and were results of all my strokes. They have put a stop to my writing. I hope you go on and achieve your goals and dreams when it comes to writing.

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  2. What a wonderful son you have, Carrie. I wish him all the best this world has to offer. Keep up the good work, Ian

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  3. ROWAN Has The Best Big Brother.I Know ROWAN Felt An New How Much You Love Him.You Will Go Far In Life.GOD Is Able!Bless You Ian,As You Go Forward In Life

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  4. Keep writing Ian....you have the gift like your Mother and the spirit like your brother.

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  5. You have a beautiful soul, Ian! It shows in your writing! You'll do great things in life! Carrie, I'm sure you already know this but you have amazing children including Rowan! I've been following Rowan's story a couple of years now and I can't even begin to imagine the pain you're feeling after losing him! He was a beautiful child inside and out with a contagious smile that could light up anyone's day, especially mine! You're the perfect example of an unconditionally loving mother! The last 2 years I've been following, I smiled with you, laughed with you and, yes, I even cried with you! So I know you don't know me but I feel like I know you and knew little sweet Rowan! I know you have lots of great friends and I hope you will find one in me as well. My name is Melissa Branson and I live in TN. My phone # is 731-819-2166. Don't hesitate to call or text 24/7/365! Maybe I can, if nothing else, be a listening ear! God bless you and your family!

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  6. Priceless.�� Ian your writing will move everyone to tears when reading your story. This to me is a sign of a good writer. I pray that all your dreams come true. You could wrire a book about how a Supporting brother to a sick sibling makes for a Humble Loving Heart. Bless you Always ❤

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  7. Ian, you are your own wonderful person--uniquely individual, just as Zoe is, and Rowan was. It amazes me that one mother & father can have 3 such precious, loving, compassionate, unselfish children as they do. Make Rowan proud by the way you live your life. I know he's your biggest fan. Hugs.

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