"Our Little Trooper"

"Our Little Trooper"
"Let me live, that I may praise you!" Psalm 119:175

Saturday, October 29, 2016

The sound of silence...


This is a very difficult post to write.  But I am fairly certain that it will not likely be the most difficult one I ever write.  I am trying to keep that in mind for perspective.

Now that the kids have arrived, and we have told them in person, we are ready to share the latest development with you all.  We share it, not so that you will be sad or feel sorry for Rowan, rather, in the hopes that you will please keep him even closer to your thoughts and prayers in the coming days/weeks/months.

Rowan started showing signs of hearing loss a few days ago.  It progressed rapidly, and at this time, he can no longer hear out of either his left or his right ear.  It is heart wrenching to say the least.  He is in the middle of the fight of his life as it is (undergoing his second consecutive bone marrow transplant), and to add this complication into the mix...has been so extremely difficult, both for Rowan, and for Brian and I.  This weekend, Zoe and Ian will have to adjust to this as well.

There are three possible reasons that the doctors are considering regarding the hearing loss. Two of those would not be as likely to be reversible, but one of them is.  That is the one we are praying for.  Once we know more, we will discuss.

We have had to start using a white board to write Rowan short messages, in order to ask him questions like: "Are you in pain?", "Do you feel sick", "Is that better?", or to give him short messages like this one.  He nods or shakes his head sometimes, other times he simply closes his eyes and a tear rolls down his cheek.  He seems afraid to fall asleep, as if the only way he knows what is going on right now is to actually see it, since he can't hear it.  Again, heart breaking. 



We are trying to remain positive, and to smile at him and encourage him as much as possible. I wrote him this note (several times actually), and he does look at me and gently nods his head, as if to signify that he trusts me about it.  I hope I am right.  I hope they can.  I hope he continues to believe it as well.



Our biggest prayer request for him right now is that he not be frightened by the silence.  It must be so scary...to see so many pieces of equipment, so many lights, so many doctors, so many nurses, so much activity...yet hear nothing.  I can only imagine what is running through his head. 



Speech therapy also gave us this board for him to be able to point to what he wants or needs, if he is having trouble reaching out to us.  So far, he has not been in a state to use it, but we think it will come in handy once he does.  We are grateful for their immediate intervention and helpful ideas.



One last thing about this situation that I want to share...because it is just quintessential Rowan.  He actually lied to me about his hearing a few days ago.  He never lies.  But in this situation, he lied because he was trying to protect me.  He was trying to make Brian and I feel better.  Such a completely selfless act of love from our little boy. I was trying to speak to him, and started realizing what was going on.  I must have looked scared or nervous myself, and I believe (as much as I fought it) that I had tears forming in my eye as well.  Rowan read my lips when I asked "Can you hear me?".  He started repeating "I can hear you Mommy.  I can hear you Mommy. I can hear you and Daddy, Mommy."  However, he was not following my commands, he was not turning or even flinching towards Brian's voice, which was almost yelling, just behind his ear as Rowan focused on my face.  We have tested him in many ways, in both ears, and at different times of day.  He can not hear us right now.  We are trying to comprehend that, and doing our best to communicate with each other in the mean time.



Please know, that we have NOT given up hope.  One way or another, our family will deal with this setback.  We are hopeful that it will be for the reason that can be resolved over time.  If not, we will cross that bridge when we come to it, and it would not be the end of the world by any means.  Our biggest concern right now is helping Rowan cope with it during this very critical, very specific, time of his life...transplant. 




This is the verse I have been reciting over and over again the past few days.  God can perform miracles...he can open Rowan's ears! 


Psalm 40
5 Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.
Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened.



AMEN


22 comments:

  1. Praying for Rowan, praying for your family. He has taught me to never give up, even when things in life seem bleak, and that they will never change. His journey gives me hope. He gives me hope. Never give up! We're all here with you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We love you ROWAN do not be afraid for God is with you every moment as are you beautiful amazing family.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Praying for Rowan and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Praying for you Rowan and your family. You are an amazing child of God and though your journey may be difficult you never give up. You are an example for all of us to follow. May God continue to give you strength and shower you with His love.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is absolutely heartbreaking but I know that God is in control and He has a plan for Rowan. We love you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Many prayers for you all, he is so precious and so loved by so many.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Our God is the God of the impossible. No matter what the reason for the hearing loss, He can and will restore Rowan to perfect health, ears and all. Don't let satan pull you down into the trap of if He fixes this, we can deal with this other problem. No. We're going whole hog, believing for the whole package. Rowan restored. Completely. Period. I'm standing in faith with y'all as Rowan has been on my heart and mind for a couple of weeks now. Put on the full armor of God, and having done all to stand, stand firm. Keep the faith, your sister in Christ, Holly

    ReplyDelete
  8. My heart breaks too. I am praying for Rowan. I pray that he will once again be able to hear and that his healing would manifest throughout his body. I am praying strength for you, Brian, Zoe, and Ian. I AM praying! ~Janis Barrilleaux

    ReplyDelete
  9. I am humbled by your grace and strength. My fervent prayers are with your family!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Little warrior Rowan, you may have lied to your parents but for reasons to protect your parents feelings. You are so loving & caring to your parents, don't worry so much little warrior, your parents are strong & like you, they got this! Just leave it at the foot of Jesus, leave your burdens to Jesus little warrior, I am praying for you and so are many others. Let people help you little warrior, tell the doctors and nurses your pains you feel, so you can heal. I will continue to pray for you little warrior Rowan. Don't give up on your parents or your doctors. We love & care for you little warrior & I will continue to pray for you and your parents.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Such a strong little boy. Jesus we trust in you!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. My heart is just breaking. Tears i cant controll reading this but you are so strong. God has a purpose and he wanted to shut out the world so Rowan can just hear him speak. He WILL be ok and you all WILL get through this. I will continue to pray for you all even harder tonight.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Praying for you Rowan. For God to restore your hearing and for everything to turn a corner in you treatment and healing. Peace and strength be with you all. Love Sharon & Greg Bowdish

    ReplyDelete
  14. Rowan, we have never met in person. But I know your friend Tanya, and because of her I feel like I know you. You are a brave, amazing little boy. I am thinking of you and sending you love. And the great thing about love is that you don't have to hear it, you can just feel it. Hope you are on the path to healing and that you will be well very, very soon. Misty

    ReplyDelete
  15. Praying for precious Rowan. Praying God gives total restoration to his ears. Hugs...

    ReplyDelete
  16. Praying...Praying....praying.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This is heartbreaking for your family. We shall continue to keep you all in our prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm so sorry praying for you Rowan that your hearing returns mom and dad praying for you and your family too. Little man please don't get down on yourself. You've worked so hard and we're all praying that you're hearing comes back and you will be out of that bed healthy and the bone marrow takes and your tomorrow's will be blessed with so much in front of you. We love you Rowan you're a special gift from God

    ReplyDelete
  19. GOD IS NOT FINISHED YET!
    Stay strong and lean on God when you are weak. He is there for you and has great plans for Rowan.
    You ALL are in my thoughts are prayers all the time!
    Stay in Gods word!

    ReplyDelete