Family, friends, doctors, nurses, and even chocolate labs...

After one of the hardest days we have had here, as I sit and reflect, I decided to try my best not to focus on the counts, the blood, the platelets, the CT scans, the results, the consults, the pending OR schedule, the changing transplant dates, etc.  That will only perpetuate the worry and fear.  Instead I have decided to focus on what got Rowan, Brian and I through today.

First of all...God.

It all started  early this morning.  I prayed alone.  Rowan and I prayed together.  I read Rowan his daily devotional, then Brian read it when he got to the hospital as well.  They had their own moment together, then we all 3 prayed together again before his CT scan, and again after.  Rowan dedicated his fight today to honor God & Jesus. 

Rowan's nurse today knew from the moment she got here today, that he was having a rough time of it.  She has had him on better days, and maybe even worse days, but you could just tell she sensed that today was difficult.  As he lay whimpering from fever and cringing from pain this morning she told him that she had some really cute pictures to show him, whenever he woke up more and felt better.  It wasn't until later in the afternoon that she finally had her opportunity to show him...and they made his day.  She was one of the recipients of one of Rowan's light blue Rally for Rowan t-shirts a few weeks back.  She shared the story that her dog pulled that shirt out of the laundry, drug it across the room, and snuggled with it.  Then, her fiancé sent her and Rowan these pictures, of her chocolate lab, actually wearing Rowan's shirt.  And he was truly touched and amused.

Rowan's transplant buddy Sam unfortunately had to be readmitted today, for the second time since leaving after her transplant.  She and her Mom texted that they were back, and that they wanted to walk by and say hi.  They had no idea the day we had been having.  They thought we were still on track for starting chemo for transplant #2 today.  Their text, and Sam coming up to his room (to wave from the hallway, because that is all they are allowed to do), was so needed today.  And though he was spiking a fever and wanted to do nothing more than sleep...her presence brought him a smile, and motivated him to roll over and wave.  So endearing, especially because she was wearing his sweatshirt again...which makes him feel so honored.

Before Brian left this evening, he and Rowan had a fun little burst of energy.  Rowan trying to Jedi mind trick him in to something or the other, and Brian feeling the pain:)  Treasured moments in time.

Then, after Brian left, Rowan wanted to talk to Zoe and Ian before he fell asleep too.  He waited until he got Tylenol for his fever and dilaudid for his pain again (he always gets more talkative after pain meds:), then he asked me if we could call them. 

Here is a picture of Rowan talking to Ian tonight.  He told Ian he was sorry he had to go to his friends funeral today.  He asked him sweetly if he was ok.  They care about each others feelings SO very much. It's beautiful. Before he hung up the phone with him, Rowan said: "I love you. Your the best brother ever".

Then he called Zoe.  She has the uncanny ability to make him laugh no matter how bad his day has been.  I don't even want to know what she is saying to him on the other end of the phone. It makes him smile, that's all that matters.  Before he hung up with her, he said: "Thank you. I love you."

After he hung up with Zoe and Ian, Rowan slipped his (actually my:) eye mask down over his eyes, and asked me, "OK, now can we get ready for bed.  This has been a really long day."  I told him of course, tucked him in and we said our nighttime prayers.  In the middle of "Now I lay me down to sleep", the night doctor on the floor slipped in to the room to check on Rowan, and tell him a few jokes (as he does every single night).  He heard Rowan praying independently after the recited prayer, and he stopped, listened with his head bowed and said "Amen" afterwards.  Then, the Dr. thanked Rowan.  He said he agreed with Rowan's prayer, loved it, and prayed it with him.  He also said that it reminded him to pray for his patients more.  It was such a special moment.  In the dark, in a late night hospital room, a little boy, reminded a grown man, to pray again.  Of course the jokes flew right after, as was to be expected.  It is their routine.  We look forward to it.  I'm pretty sure this doctor has the same joke routine with many patients in the Cancer Care Unit each night.  But I'm also pretty certain, he did not have the same bedtime prayers experience with all of his other patients tonight.  That moment, belonged to them.  Rowan may have laid there with his eyes closed the entire time, but he responded to every joke and responded to each punch line with a grin.

So, as Rowan and I drift off to sleep, with rbcs and lots of meds running, machines operating around us, and OR procedures being scheduled for tomorrow, I am silencing all of that noise...and reflecting on the laughs, the smiles, the prayers, the photos, etc...that have gotten us through this difficult day.

On to the next one...but thankful and confident that we have that same circle of support, waiting for us tomorrow...

Thank you God for family, friends, doctors, nurses, and even chocolate labs.