"Our Little Trooper"

"Our Little Trooper"
"Let me live, that I may praise you!" Psalm 119:175

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

"Maybe I should at least get started on my bucket list...Just in case..."

Rowan is well aware of the seriousness of his health issues. He is an old soul who always wants to know exactly what is going on. Often, he takes the answers better than we adults do. He has a strong faith, self-assuradeness, and a genuine peace about ALL outcomes. For several years he has told us, "I'll be fine no matter what, either way!"

While I admire and desire that level of peace and confidence, it still has a bit of a sting to it when it is your child, your much younger child, your baby.

In light of his recent 2 week visit to Seattle Childrens Hospital, we all have had so much to ponder. He heard the doctors discuss the risks of transplanting, but is also well aware of the risk of NOT transplanting. He has asked the doctors on numerous occasions..."So...chance of death?"  It is. Actually, both options are.

Tonight, as we were falling asleep, he looked over at me, reached for my hand, held it and said "Mom, maybe I should at least get started on my bucket list...just in case. "

No words...heart nearly stopped...tears welling...

What is the appropriate response to your nine year old saying that maybe they should start tackling items off their bucket list???

I don't know.

I can't even fathom the thought.

But I must. Because he is right. Maybe he should...just in case.

He and I have been typing bucket list items in my phone "notes" for over 2 years. There are cute ones, outrageous ones, precious/endearing ones, and normal little boy ones. I have read them a thousand times to myself.  But, I've never thought about sharing them. He's only 9!

He is so strong, so confident. Yet unselfish, and unwavering.

He deserves the best. He deserves to fulfill that list.

Personally, I just want to have half the strength and faith he has.

If I never fulfilled a single item off of mine, it would be ok...as long as I witnessed him live long enough to fulfill his.

This is what peace looks like... May we all obtain it.


  1. Please to not refer to it as a bucket list or a final to do kist per say. Everyone that I know who has created one sick or well has died prematurely. Bucket lists IMO are a disaster waiting to happen. I would say vo with the glow, have fun, live life to the fullest and each one as if it was your last. But pkease do not predispose yourself by calling it a bucketlist.

    1. I never want to sensor someone's opinion, unless it is vulgar or offensive, so I have agreed to post your comment. However, I want you to know that we are not "predisposing" anything. God's plan will be fulfilled. As I stated, I hope Rowan lives to fulfill every single item on his bucket list. And I would forgo mine for him to do so. We are not resigning ourselves to his demise by mentioning this bucket list, we are simply honoring his desires. Its purely semantics ("bucket list" or "live life to the fullest"). We trust God no matter what. It is all in His hands. We only want what is best for Rowan. I promise you that:)

  2. He's an absolute inspiration. His words and story need to be heard far and wide. He is a hero of mine and I take life lessons from his story to aid me in my own health issues. He's in my thoughts and prayers, as are his family and friends.

  3. Praying, may God gives you the miracle of longer life, just keep believing, isn't easy, but it is worth it.