"Quilted with Love"...from Rowan and I, to you Keiba, Justin and family...

I am not going to apologize this time, for how long it has been since my last blog post.  I am learning that I can only do what I can do.  This has been the MOST difficult time in my entire life, and it probably always will be...at least I hope so, because I cannot imagine anything worse.  However, I am doing my best to find things that honor Rowan's life...things that would make him proud...moments I know he would love to be here for.

This past Sunday, I was able to have one of those moments.  I was able to meet my friend, and fellow mother of an angel child, at the cemetery...the cemetery where both our sons have been laid to rest...both within this past year.

Justin and Rowan shared doctors, spent time at the same hematology/oncology clinic and hospital in San Antonio, and then our families shared their Ferrari Kids Event together.  None of us could have imagined that we would both lose our sons within the year though.  Justin passed away from Leukemia a few short weeks later, Rowan from transplant related complications several months after.  This is not a club you want to belong to, but a bond that solidifies mother's hearts instantaneously.

Keiba and I met again for lunch, just a week or two before Rowan and I left for Seattle.  I love to make quilts, and have especially felt led to make memory quilts for parent's who have lost children.  I never dreamed I would be in that group myself, but I have just always felt led to bless parents by honoring the life they gave their children, however short it may have been, with something they could look at for years to come.  I either used photos on the quilts or the child's clothes...whatever the family felt ok giving me.

Justin's mom gave me a huge laundry basket of his clothes. She told me not to worry about when I worked on it.  She told me I could wait until Rowan and I returned from Seattle, etc.  But I just did not feel right leaving his belongings back home in Texas when I knew Rowan and I could be in Seattle for months during transplant, so I packed them up in a tub and took them with me on our road trip to Seattle.

After Rowan's first stem cell transplant, maybe a month or two in, he and I started working on the quilt for Justin's Mom.  Right there in his hospital room.  I cut the squares from his clothes.  I got permission to use my sewing machine in his room.  Rowan and I prayed over each and every square.  Rowan helped me choose where to place each square in the first 12 rows...until he became too ill to do so.  Once he was moved to PICU for those final 2 months, I had to pack it all up and move it back to my van.  But before that, Rowan and I put so much love and time into that quilt.

After Rowan passed away, we brought his body home, had his memorial service, his celebration of life, and buried him...that unfinished quilt sat in the corner of my room for weeks.  But I kept feeling Rowan telling me... "Mom, it's gonna help his mommy so much...finish it."  So during this past month, I completed the final three rows, made the back, layered the batting and backing to the quilt top, and hand quilted the entire blanket together.  It wasn't just for Keiba.  It helped me too. At this point I cried and prayed for both Justin and for Rowan, with each stitch.  And I know it made Rowan so very proud once I finally finished this blanket for Justin's Mommy.

This past Sunday, I met Keiba at the cemetery where both our boys remains are laid to rest.  Here are the photos of her seeing the quilt for the first time.  We sat for nearly an hour before I even pulled it out of the bag.  We cried.  We held hands.  We shared memories of our boys.  We talked about how we are dealing with this immense grief and loss.  We started at Rowan's gravesite...we ended up at Justin's.  I have asked her permission to share these photos.  I am not trying to boast about the quilt. Sure, I made it, well...Rowan and I did.  However, it was made nearly 100% from his clothing.  The backing and batting are all that I added.  My hope is that each piece of cloth bring back a memory for their family.  It included material from his robe, his pillow cases, his swim trunks, sweaters, jeans, t-shirts, gym shorts, boxers, hats, socks, spider man costume, etc.  It turned out so special.  Not because of me, but because of the beautiful life they gave him in his short 12 years, and because of the memories God gifted them with in that timeframe

Here are photos of when Rowan was helping me in Seattle, telling me where to place each square of Justin's clothes...I know his family will cover themselves in this blanket often and feel Justin's love, but I will also never forget the time I spent with Rowan making it and praying over it...so it fills my heart with love too.

Here are some close ups of the many different squares, each with a special memory for his family.  Thank you God for the life you gave Justin...though short...it was certainly special, memorable and filled with love.

Once I folded Justin's quilt to place it in the gift bag, I immediately noticed something special.  "Risen in Power" was one square that Keiba wanted to make sure I included from the sleeve of one of Justin's shirts.  Then, I noticed that the Lego "HOPE" square was also front and center...which I of course saw as a sign from Rowan (aka "Hope").  This photo made me feel so peaceful inside. As I mentioned, Rowan told me where to place each and every square in those first 12 rows, before he passed away...I don't take that lightly that both Justin and Rowan were represented in that first quadrant...I immediately thanked God, and Rowan, and Justin...for confirming their presence...still...

I love you Keiba, my sister in Christ...and your entire family.  Thank you for your friendship as we navigate these difficult waters.  Thank you for coming alongside me.  And thank you Jesus for 12 years with Justin and 10 years with Rowan.  Until we see them again in Heaven...

Rowan's Legacy...living on in so many ways...

In the past 24 hours alone I have met with, or communicated with, the following entities about the various ways that they want to honor Rowan's life or help us reach his life goals.  To say we are blessed and excited is a complete understatement.  There will be details to follow about each of these events of course, but I needed to share with you all, the many ways that Rowan's spirit is living on.  Thank you to each and every business, group, and person who are making these dreams come true.  I have no doubt that we will not only be helping thousands of people, but making Rowan proud, and honoring God simultaneously.

Tonight, I discussed Keller Williams City View's upcoming awards event with Margie Beecher.  They will be honoring Rowan next week, for his help as one of their "Red Days" Service Day Foremen (when he designed and led their team to implement Jalene's Memorial Garden at her family's home after her death).  

Today, I got to see the t-shirt design for the Guardians of the Children's Annual  "Ride to the Empty Cross", a 62 mile ride, which they have chosen to do in memory of "Hope" (Rowan) this year.  He took such pride in being a Lil Guardian, and truly understood the good that this group does in this world.  I know he will be with us that day, more than ever.

This morning, I met with Chris Rodriguez, from Woodlawn Theater.  They have initiated the "Annual Rowan Jameson Windham Memorial Scholarship".  He and I discussed fundraising, current goals, future potential, etc.  Some of Rowan's theater friends have already donated, today I added to that, and we will start by gifting a student in need by paying their tuition for the upcoming program.  We hope to grow this fund each year, and to be able to assist future thespians with tuition both at the Woodlawn and beyond, eventually with college scholarships in the theater arts.

Last night, I met with Jeff and Angie, from Copa Wine Bar.  They will continue to help us further Rowan's philanthropy efforts by hosting the 4th Annual "Rowan's Smokehouse" Event at Copa Wine Bar on June 3rd.  Save the date.  It will again be a wine, beer, Rowan's ginger lemonade and BBQ plate sale.  We will also have some of Rowan's last remaining hand made art pieces on sale, as well as some done by his brother and sister.  Most importantly, we will have a Marrow Match/GenCure bone marrow registry booth set up outside, to help Rowan in his efforts to find 1 Million Matches!

Yesterday, I got to see the NBYSA's (New Braunfels Youth Soccer Association) new jerseys for this 2017 soccer season.  They have decided to honor Rowan's love for soccer and life by embroidering "RJW", Rowan's initials, under the NBYSA emblem on all of their uniforms.  The tears just wouldn't stop flowing.  I could not stop imagining Rowan's joyful smile from Heaven as he saw all these uniforms.  Then, his Coach let me know tonight that they made their break out call: "Love Your Life", as they talked about representing their teammate in Heaven Rowan.

You should also save the date: May 22nd, 2017, when GenCure will be hosting the Marrow Ambassadors Golf Tournament at the Quarry Golf Club in SA.  It will be held in memory of Rowan, and all proceeds will benefit GenCure, who have truly embraced Rowan's cause of finding 1 million bone marrow matches.

Yet another honor that our beautiful son Rowan, and our family, has been blessed with recently is the news that Methodist Children's Hospital and the San Antonio Food Bank have decided to rename their annual Summer cereal drive to knock out Summer hunger for school children, after Rowan.  You all probably remember how important this drive was to Rowan, both when he was in the hospital, and when he was not.  He brought in over 10,000 servings of cereal in just 2 Summers.  Well, now, the cereal drive will be named after him, and we will do our best to make him proud and blow his previous totals away.  We will be collecting at the COPA event of course, but if you have a business or group that would be willing to collect boxes of cereal in his honor prior to that, we will be collecting it all the first week of June to present to MCH, so please get in touch with me.

Tomorrow, Ian and I leave for Houston.  We will be going to volunteer at a "Be the Match" bone marrow drive booth at the Houston Home & Garden Show all weekend.  We will be trying to find Rowan's little friend Roman a match, while also trying to reach Rowan's life goal of helping sign people up and making 1 million bone marrow matches.  Nothing could ever fill the hole in my heart more, than if I help Rowan achieve his life goals, even if it has to be after his death.

I'm not sure I can adequately express the comfort, peace and fulfillment I feel, when I think about these meetings, plans, events, etc.  I know Rowan's life mattered.  I know he was special.  I know he had purpose beyond what I could ever comprehend.  And now, even after his death, for this many plans to be made in his name, honor and memory...it is mind-blowing, not in a selfish, prideful way though...that wouldn't represent Rowan at all  These are ALL charitable, philanthropic, "make the good" ways that he is being remembered! What more can I ask for as a grieving parent?

There will be details to follow, regarding how you can help, donate to, or be involved in some way, with EACH of these events.  For now, please just remember Rowan's motto "If you can't see the good, make the good!"  And to Keller Williams, Guardian's of the Children, Woodlawn Theater, Copa Wine Bar, NBYSA, Methodist Children's Hospital/SA Food Bank, Marrow Me and GenCure/Bethe Match...God bless you.  Rowan is surely smiling down, and I know that God is too, and that he will bless all of these endeavors.  Thank you for helping make the good in this world!  Thank you Rowan for inspiring us to do so!

Part 11: The procession, and the cemetery.

I took a little break from posting, but want to try to continue telling Rowan's story.  So, here is the post detailing the procession from his funeral to the cemetery, and the service at the cemetery.  His life was honored well, but ended with the hardest thing I have ever had to witness...watching your child's casket being lowered into the ground and covered...forever.  I obviously did not take many pictures, but here are the few I did.

Thank you to the pall bearers: Shannon Windham, Gabe Abdo, Logan Barnes, Phil Seelig, Matt Ducote, Jason Cox, and then Bradley Mefford as well at the cemetery.

Thank you Olinger-Saenz Mortuary Services for providing the preparation and transport of Rowan's body.  You did so honorably and respectfully.

This was our view from the front as we drove from San Antonio to New Braunfels.  So difficult to be separated from your child, even when it is just their body.

We also want to thank the SAPD motorcycle officers who handled the traffic for the procession, as well as the Comal County K9 unit officers for leading the procession in the SUVS.  Also assisting us in honoring Rowan and joining in the procession were the Patriot Guard and Guardians of the Children.  I did not get photographs of them on their bikes, but thank you.

Here are a few pictures that a friend took from further back in the procession. Over 600 attended the funeral, over 20,000 watched it live online, and over 200 attended the cemetery.  At some points the procession was as far as the eye could see.  There was even a fire truck waiting at the entrance of the cemetery to welcome their brother Rowan. All this, for one 10 year old little boy.  Such a blessing.  Such an honor.

The Texas Army National Guard promoted Rowan from Private First Class, to Specialist, in a very tearful ceremony at the cemetery.  They read the promotion, presented us with it, as well as with his Cavalry Stetson, and a folded flag.  Such a tremendous honor.  We posted video of it on Facebook, but I did not take photographs during it myself.

Cindy Buethe, Rowan's home nurse, read a speech to her best friend Rowan, whom she cared for and loved for 8 years in a row.  It was beautiful.  Then, Rowan's sweet 'Lil Guardian' friend Briana Lopez told the story of how Rowan changed her life, followed by a poem she wrote us for him.  Finally, Kainoa Kamaka played ukulele and sang a beautiful rendition of Somewhere Over The Rainbow.  Again, we posted videos of some of this, but I did not take photos myself.  I was just in the moment.

Then came the most difficult part...transferring Rowan's body from the pavilion to his plot, lowering him into the ground, covering his casket with the concrete liner, and then covering that with dirt.  It sucks the air from your lungs, turns your knees to jello, and crushes your already broken heart.  I nearly fainted.  No one should ever have to watch their babies be buried.  This made it feel truly real for the first time, since he passed.

At this point we all had to leave the cemetery.  Driving away, even though I knew it was just his body laying in that grave...even though I knew he was whole and new, playing with his friends in Heaven...was so unbelievably difficult.  It just doesn't feel right leaving your child, or any part of them.  I knew I would see him again in heaven.  I knew I would be back to bring him flowers, sit by his gravesite and just talk to him, I knew all of that, but it still hurt. 

Then I thought of every time Rowan visited a friend's grave (which was many times), every time he smiled as he prayed there for them.  He never left a friend's grave sad, never left crying...I tried to remember his sweet face as he sat at their graves smiling, thinking of fun times he had with them, and of how happy they were in Heaven, and how he couldn't wait to get there and be with them.  Pictures like this ran through my mind...

Again, Rowan was helping me cope, helping me see the good, even in the darkest of times.  Thank you son.  I may need a lot more reminders...but something tells me that you will give them to me.

I love you and I miss you Rowan.

I've had 62 days without you...

but you've had 62 days with Jesus...