As you may well imagine, this Christmas, decorating a tree did not feel the same...no, it wasn't the same. However, rather than just not doing one, we decided to do two trees instead. Zoe and Ian decorated one tree for our whole family. That is the tree we put gifts under.
I decorated a second smaller tree with all of Rowan's special ornaments, and the beautiful commemorative ornaments that so many of you have gifted us over the past year.
It was a labor of love and remembrance. I cried as I decorated it. I called some of you as I hung your ornaments. I placed his multiple musical stuffed hippos that played "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas..." under his tree, and his stuffed Christmas hedgehog, and Jingle, the Christmas dog. I also put his original Elf on the shelf, "Rick", under the tree. I didn't move him around...he just laid there this year.
It was the best I could do.
It was... just enough.
I guarantee there was not another tree like it in the world.
It was full of Bigfoot ornaments, Iron Man ornaments, and Hippo ornaments.
It was so distinctly Rowan's tree...
and it was beautiful!
Yes, last year the beautiful Tablizo family had bought him a chef coat, French fries, cotton candy...
and this perfectly Rowan inspired "Love Life" Yeti ornament...
Love and appreciate your thoughtfulness so very much!
Rowan's friend Charlotte made him an ornament this year to put on his tree...
Lorraine sent the most beautiful commemorative ornament...
Sherry sent ornaments in memory of her sweet Melissa, reminding us to "choose joy"...
Lorraine also sent a sweet "Max" bull mastiff angel ornament which definitely belonged on Rowan's tree. Ian then painted it to look brindle, just like Max's coloring...
So many special ornaments were sent to us, some from compete strangers, or left on our doorstep anonymously, like this one...
We even received this precious handmade ornament this week all the way from Ireland! Thank you so very much. We were blown away at the detail.
These two simple ornaments were ones that Rowan made with his occupational therapist and I last year, while he was in ICU. I remember how difficult is was for him to place each rhinestone and sticker. It was just days before he died. This year, they hung on his tree, and were anything but simple. They will always be two of the last things he ever made...they are priceless to me now.
This light up ornament hung in Rowan's hospital window on multiple Christmas's. It was supposed to let Santa know how to find him, when he wasn't at home. It always worked:)
The most precious and priceless ornament of all, was this one...Rowan's final handprint, in silver paint, on glass, made just hours before he passed. I am so grateful to the wonderful staff at Seattle Children's for helping us create keepsakes like this. I've laid my hand over his print on this ornament countless times. It makes me feel like I am holding his hand again.
Thank you for that gift.
This ornament was gifted to me from one of Rowan's favorite PICU nurses in Seattle, along with a beautiful letter. She gave it to me in his final hours. I had almost forgotten about it. But after I decorated his tree this year, I suddenly recalled that she had given me an ornament and a note, in a plastic hazardous medication "caution" bag :) I went in to Rowan's room (something that is very difficult for me to do), and I found it in a box almost immediately. Thank you Camy.
Finally, I decided that I should add one ornament to Rowan's memory tree each year myself. I don't want to ever feel like his memory is only in the past. I want him to continue to be a part of our life and the holidays. This year I chose a Charlie Brown ornament. Rowan and I spent more holidays in the hospital than not over his 10 years, which meant we celebrated those holidays in the hospital, which meant we made our own traditions there over the years. I grew up watching all the Charlie Brown specials during the holidays, it is something Rowan and I found comfort in too, especially when we were in the hospital. I still have all of his Charlie Brown character toys on the side of the bathtub. This Charlie Brown ornament spoke to me this year... it reminded me of our traditions, of making the best of holidays in the hospital... it reminded me of Rowan and I snuggled in his hospital bed together, year after year...Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, etc., watching the Charlie Brown specials together.
I'm not sure what type of ornament I will buy for his tree next year...but this year, this one was perfect.
Love you and miss you sweet boy. I hope you liked your Christmas tree as much as I did.
Zoe and Ian picked it out by the way;)
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