Transplant talks from the tub ~Part 1 "Would that help take your mind off the bad stuff?"

I had a human, mommy moment tonight I guess.  As I gave Rowan a bath this evening, I had a lot running through my mind...words like: bone marrow transplant, Seattle, insurance, donor search, no medicaid coverage out of state, housing, GVHD, etc.  

I brought a couple of Rowan's homeschooling books to the bathroom with us, because honestly, some of the best, uninterrupted, "unhooked", one on one time we get, is when Rowan is in the bathtub.  I had planned on doing "history bath" as we call it, and he had just read another chapter of Charlotte's Web, so I hoped he could answer some of the study guide questions from the tub too.

However, Rowan must have felt my stress level.  I try to keep a brave front for him, but he is a very good read, so it doesn't always work.  As the tub filled, but before I could even pick one of the books up, Rowan said, "What's wrong Mom?  What are you thinking about?"  I was about to say "nothing", but I knew he would see right through that fake answer.  Instead, I said, "I'm just thinking about everything that goes into planning your transplant, and into relocating to Seattle for it.  I'm fine.  Just a lot on my mind."  Then he did what he does best.  He redirected me.  He taught me.  He opened my eyes.  

He said, "When I'm worried or scared Mom, I just focus on the good.  That always helps.  What if we talk about how much the transplant could help me, or what if we plan my after transplant party?  Would that help take your mind off the bad stuff?"  

I answered, "Yes Rowan, yes, it would help a lot."

What happened next was an hour or more long bath time for Rowan, with no homeschooling done (and that's okay), where Rowan and I party-planned, laughed, cried, typed notes on my iphone, discussed possibilities, probabilities, odds and potentials. I will never forget this night, this bath time, this moment.  The moment I learned how to prepare for, cope, handle and deal with potentially life changing, but also potentially life threatening choices...from my 9 year old. 

Focus on the good.  

Focus on the potential.

Focus the possible.

Up next... Transplant talks from the tub ~Part 2  "It's the first time I'll actually be waiting for a hospital stay to get here."