Someday we'll all be better...even me!

As you may know, Rowan is back in the hospital again, this time fighting something in his cerebrospinal fluid. He started running fevers, losing all his hair and had major swelling to the back of his head/neck.

Here is just a portion of what he has gone through in a little less than 48 hours:

Rushed to the er with 103.2 fever and swelling of the head and neck

Brain CT scan

Shunt Tap

Chest Xrays

Repeat Brain CT scan with contrast

Shunt Series of Xrays

Flu test

Urine Culture

Blood Culture

CSF Cultures

Multiple Hematology Labs

Vitals taken every 2 to 4 hours

Anesthesia

Surgery (#54) to tap and drain off csf fluid from incision at base of his skull

Fluid leaking from his head

14 rounds of heavy iv antiobiotic infusions

Pain levels of 7-10

Extreme nausea and feeding issues

Neuro exam after neuro exam

Doctor after Doctor coming in to examine him

Specialist after Specialist coming in to consult

Neupogen infusion

IvIg infusion

etc, etc, etc...

And he goes down in the morning for surgery #55.

Sounds like a lot right? Would probably get you down or make you feel sorry for yourself right? Not Rowan, never Rowan.

I had to tell him today that a friend of ours lost their sister this morning, to a battle with Cancer. He immediately said, "She's in a better place than we are...and now all her dreams can come true!" Then tears welled up in his eyes and he said "I'm making mySELF cry! ...But happy tears. I'm happy for her. She's better now. Someday we all will be. Even me!"

Yes, sweet Rowan...Someday we all will be better...even you! Someday you won't have to go through all this pain and trauma. For now, you continue to make me feel better every single day!

Here is a highlight from today...a special visit from his best therapy dog friend, Cindy...true love!

"As long as you have family and friends with you..."

Rowan has been continuing to heal from this last round of surgeries, and has finally been able to start "playing" once again. That was one of the toughest things about being down for months with these headaches, then 2 weeks in the hospital for 2 surgeries, and then home on the couch with sutures all over his head and neck for 2 more weeks...He missed "playing", "playing" video games with his brother, "play" boxing with his Dad, dancing with his Sister, etc. While he rested on the couch, he kept telling us again and again what he was going to "play" when he felt 100% again.

In an unanticipated way, however, Rowan had an experience that put "playing" and it's importance into perspective for him. Here is a little story about a very special day of the year that he and I just celebrated on October 8th, one we honor every year in memory of a dear angel friend of his, Chrissie Patterson, who passed away when she was 4 years old. We tried to bless Chrissie's family in a few special ways, but Rowan and I ended up being blessed ourselves, and he came away with incredible insight about the playing and happiness.

First Rowan started out by visiting Chrissie's Memorial Leaf at Methodist Children's Hospital a couple days before her birthday. He walked right off the elevator, smiled from ear to ear and ran to her specific leaf on the tree. Then he leaned his lttle forehead forward and talked to her for a minute. So sweet.

Next Rowan helped me make some perfectly pink and princessy chocolate cupcakes to take to Chrissie's family.

He picked out the most beautiful assorted pink roses to take to her Mommy, and one to place on Chrissie's grave.

And of course he needed a Happy Birthday Princess Balloon to tie on the gate by her grave too.

Last but not least, Rowan drew Chrissie's Mommy a picture of God with his big arms outstretched over Chrissie (with pink angel wings) and Harley (his old Bull Mastif who died a couple years ago). He made sure to tell us about God's blue eyes, and the rainbow, flowers and 5 butterflies, which were all beautiful because he says that is where Chrissie wants her family to look for her...in all the beautiful things around them.

Rowan and I took the goodies out to give to Chrissie's Family and so Rowan could visit her grave to wish her Happy Birthday and say a prayer. These are just a few of the pictures from that visit.

These amazing photos show Rowan doing a myriad of priceless things: taking Chrissie's Mommy flowers and a picture, petting Chrissie's horse Navidad, blowing out her birthday candles for her, kneeling down praying at her grave, leaving a rose at her grave, blowing her kisses, tying a ballon to her grave, releasing balloons in her memory,etc. These were precious moments we will cherish forever. And when we finally parted ways for the evening, and got in the car to drive home...that is when it hit Rowan...when he had the epiphany:

"Mommy, you know what I just realized? I just realized that you don't need to actually "play" to have fun. All those things we just did, praying for Chrissie 2 times, blowing out her candles, sending up balloons to heaven, ALL of that stuff was fun! So as long as you are with your family and your friends, everything can be fun...even if it means celebrating someone who is already gone...that can be ok too, if you're together. Right?"

And he is right of course. Thank you Rowan for sharing your insight with me. Thank you God for speaking to Rowan once again that evening. Thank you Patterson family for allowing us to share in your joys and your sorrow. And for allowing us to be there, seeing your families love, which exuded that grace, peace and joy that Rowan witnessed. On what could have been seen as a sad day, you celebrated Chrissie's life instead of her death. And Rowan learned a great lesson, family and friends can get you through anything and is where we can find happiness, without even playing.

Now, something else happened that evening that I just can't go without mentioning...We all released 7 pink balloons that said princess on them, which had led lights inside. Within minutes of them being released, this photo was taken, but you'll notice only 6 balloons were drifting up into the night sky.

They all had helium in them. The next two pictures are of the 7th balloon (also helium filled).

It didn't float upward, instead it started drifting over to Chrissie's favorite water pond on their ranch, one she named after a Lake in Serbia. It seriously stayed only about 3 feet off the ground and slowly traveled parallel to the ground, accross the yard until it stopped hovering over the middle of the "lake". The last photo shows the balloons reflection in the lake because it is just a couple feet off the water. Keep in mind again...this is a helium filled balloon just like the others. It never went up into the night sky like the other 6 balloons. I saw it with my own eyes. Rowan will tell you, Chrissie wanted everyone to know she was still around, in the beautiful lake, and in their memories of her there. It was an unbelievable, chilling, thing to witness...and the even more interesting thing is that her family says the same thing happened last year! God does have a sense of humor, right?