What I learned from Rowan in 2018: "A life well lived, leaves a legacy that can live on forever!"

Another year comes to a close tonight.  Another year since Rowan went to heaven too.  To be honest...I didn't think I would make it 2 minutes past his death, let alone 2 years.  Without Rowan's life messages, I don't think I would have.  But Rowan taught me more in his short 10 years than I have ever learned the rest of my years combined, and more than I likely ever will.  

Rowan taught me to "love my life", to "make the good".  He knew he would "be fine- either way".  He cared more about others than he ever worried about himself.  He had nothing but love, light, faith and "hope" in his heart, in ALL situations...even in the end.  

When I am at my worst, when I think I feel hopeless (not even a word I like to type, and one I actually refuse to say out-loud), I think about Rowan's messages.  I hear his voice in my head, or I watch his videos.  I read my old blogs with his amazingly inspirational quotes... and I realize that I have to keep going, that I must, but more importantly...that I can.  

If Rowan could do what he did, and the way he did it...so can I.  I owe it to him, and to myself, to live my life in the manner that he did.  And the world is a better place in the process. That is the very definition of a legacy.  His life, and the way he lived it, deserves to be not just remembered, but to be emulated.  And if those of us that knew him, loved him, or even just followed his story, do that...his legacy lives on...Rowan's lives on.

I didn't want this year to come to a close without me showing you all some of the ways Rowan's legacy lives on, because of so many of you.  You need to know that you continue to make a difference...that you are "making the good" in Rowan's memory, and you are making a difference in the world...a big one!

For starters, thank you to every single one of you who sent me cards, gave me flowers, texted, called, posted or messaged me on Rowan's Heaven date.  

 

It was a difficult day, but you made it better.  I can tell you from experience, people who lose a child don't ever want to imagine a world without them, so it helps when others remember their loved one too.  It doesn't bring them back, but it helps keep the memory alive. I couldn't possibly begin to list all of you that I'd like to thank for what you did for me on December 15th this year, but know that I appreciated it all.  I heard from doctors and nurses from San Antonio to Seattle...people who cared for him as an infant all the way to the doctor who was with us at the very end as he was removed from life support.  Rowan's grave was visited by many, from his fellow transplant and Kidd's Kids' friend from Dallas, Christa...

to a fellow angel mom from New Braunfels, who when she arrived, still saw my tear on the plaque at the foot of Rowan's grave... (Love you Marci...ATWTL)…

to the daughter of one of the teachers who worked for me many years ago, and so on.

Many of you sent me pictures of you wearing your Hope t-shirts on December 15th, some people donated blood that day, others volunteered at food banks or children's hospitals in Rowan's memory.  This lovely lady helped lay wreaths on the graves of fallen soldiers at Fort Sam, wearing her "Love your life"/Hope shirt...

I can only imagine how happy that made Rowan.  He never missed an opportunity to thank a soldier or veteran for their service.

We hosted a holiday arts and crafts event at the hospital again, for the patients and their siblings, and it was so much fun.

However, what I most wanted to reveal to you though, is pictures of the wonderful December donations we were able to give to parents of patients at Methodist Children's Hospital in memory of Rowan, from the Amazon Wish List so many of you graciously purchased items from.  Look at all of this!

My van was full of gifts for the parents!

Just before I closed the doors, to head to the hospital, I was struck by something... the "smiles" from the Amazon boxes made me smile.  Then I realized, that some of those smiles were coming from "Rowan's seat" in my van...it was so poignant, because I just knew he was smiling down on us, so happy that instead of being sad at that moment, we chose to "make the good" for others.  It was perfect.  So perfect, I decided to strap those particular boxes into the seat belt, into Rowan's seat belt...so I did.

This sight made me smile even more:)

The Child Life Staff was thrilled about the donations, and so grateful.  The kids are usually taken care of during the holidays, but not always the parents staying with them.  But see, Rowan thought of the parents all the time.  He thought of me, all the time.  He would LOVE that we blessed the parents this Christmas too!

Child Life actually facetimed me a few days later and they were so joyful, excited to tell me that it had been one of the most successful events they had ever done.  They put all of the gifts out like a store, for the kids to come out of their rooms with their parents to "shop" for presents for their parents staying with them.  How special.  

Thank you all.  YOU did that.  You helped Rowan's legacy live on, and in the process, you made the world a little better. We can't thank you enough.

One last picture... this is the Music Therapist from Seattle Children's Hospital.  

She spent countless hours singing, playing drums, ukulele, etc. with Rowan.  He LOVED his time with her... he LOVED her!  You also helped us gift her with an electronic KORG wave drum set for the music therapy program there at SCH this December in memory of Rowan's angel-versary.  This drum set has  hundreds and hundreds of amazing sounds and is completely portable.  Her thank you note told me just how much the patients are loving it, and how much Rowan would have approved of these special drums.  (*Kathleen and crew- an extra special thank you!)

So,  as 2018 closes, I just want to thank you all for helping us continue Rowan's legacy.  Thank you for continuing to make the good in sooooo many ways.  Please never stop letting me know how you are.  It blesses my soul, and keeps me going.  

May you "Love your life" in 2019, and never stop making the good in this world... ever.  

May you create legacies of your own, that make the world a better place... always.

Love, Rowan

& his Mommy, Carrie

From the grave to the cross on the hill...remembering "Hope" today with the Guardians of the Children

Today was an overwhelmingly wonderful day.  The weather could not have been more beautiful.  The friendship and support from the Guardian's of the Children Von Ormy, once again blew me away.  We all remembered Rowan, or "Hope" as he was known as a Lil Guardian of the GOC, and we rode from Gruene Harley Davidson in New Braunfels to Rowan's resting place in the Hill Country, then out to The Empty Cross in Kerrville, Texas, and finally to lunch together.  Every detail of this day was special and perfect.  I cannot thank them enough for all the ways they continue to honor and remember my son... their lil brother... Hope.

I put on my shirt from last year's ride...

brought Rowan's vest, and some orange roses...

and drove myself to Gruene Harley Davidson where the GOC was gathering for the ride.

"Senior" was my ride for the day, and he helped me lay Rowan's vest in the back of his bike, so Rowan would be with us in spirit.  This would be Rowan's third ride.  His first was in the physical, when "Batman" took him on his first ride, the day the gave "Hope" his vest.  Last year, Rowan's vest rode with Batman again, as they drove out to the Empty Cross.  Today, Senior let me ride on the back of his bike, with Rowan's vest in the trunk behind us... I cried most of the time we were on the road (about 2 hours), but they were happy tears.  Rowan had to be so happy looking down...knowing that he and I were finally on a bike together with the Guardians of the Children.  It had finally come full circle.

The riders lined up to head out to Rowan's resting place...

The ride was beautiful.  My time to reflect...priceless.

And what a heart filled moment as we all pulled in to the cemetery and made our way around to his site...

When we all got off the bikes and started heading to his spot, we talked about the day they were all there with us as we laid him to rest.  It had been an un-Texas like day back then, 18 degrees I believe. But they all were there anyway.  Like the family they are.

I started walking toward his grave, and they blew me away again with another surprise.  A few members drove in a truck, instead of on a motorcycle, so they could transport a special gift, these beautiful flowers on a stand with this precious photo of "Hope" in his vest and bandana.  His smile in this photo says everything, his eyes exude pure joy.  It shows how proud he was to be a part of this group, a member of this family.

This was "Hope".  This was how he felt being known as "Hope".  This was how happy he was to be a Lil Guardian.  It literally takes my breath away, because it takes me right back to this moment when he was patched in:).

They left no detail out... "Love your life", "Hope", "GOC"... perfection!

I laid his vest on the stand, and almost fell to me knees.  Such a fitting memorial for our boy.  It almost felt like the day of the burial though.  So special, so poignant.

I just love this picture.  It sums up how special the GOC Von Ormy made today...no, how special they made Rowan's life.  They are another reason he loved his life so very much!

They wanted to take my picture with the flowers, but admittedly, I hid my bandaged chin (from my stitches last week) behind one of the gorgeous orange leaves:)

It was such a great tribute to Hope.

I said a few words, we held hands as a group prayer was led, and then one by one the members each laid a single orange rose at the foot of his grave as they spoke to him privately.  Beautiful.  Simply beautiful.  A day I will never forget.

After our time there with Rowan, we headed back out for the remainder of the ride, over an hour to Kerrville.  Again, I reflected on Rowan's life, how special it was, how special the GOC are, how well they worked together with Rowan, and continue to do so. 

See, the proceeds of today's ride will go to purchase bicycles in Rowan's memory for underprivileged children in San Antonio at Avenida this Spring.  Rowan donated a bike to a little boy there before he even had a bike of his own, and he did so happily!  That legacy continues, and they donated around 200 bikes last year, all with Rowan's bracelet on the handle bars.  I hope they can give away even more than that this year.  

*If you are interested in helping with this endeavor over the next 3-4 months, please reach out to me, either via Facebook Messenger, messaging me on this blog, or by text or email.  Maybe you want to purchase a bike or two, or maybe you just want to make a donation towards a bike...anything is greatly appreciated.  I would love to continue Rowan's legacy of Hope as well as the GOC's goal of helping children in the community who are going through tough times. Thank you!

As you can imagine, with this as my view, that hour plus ride to Kerrville brought more tears of happiness, more memories, more reflection, more understanding.

The Empty Cross sculpture is noticeabe, even as you drive up the hill...

Then, as you get closer, the scope and size of it really hits you...

We all walked the paths together...

(*of course....:)

We found the rock that the GOC left there just over a year ago.  It has faded in the Texas sun of course, and some photos have peeled away, but you can still see Rowan in his helmet the day of his first ride with Batman...awesome.

 I'm so happy that my dear friend Stacy actually ended up becoming a part of the GOC Von Ormy after they came as guests to last year's ride.  Sharing things like this with her and Emmet just makes it all that more special.

Brian was able to join us at the cross, which was great.

Before leaving, we had the opportunity to write on rocks for our loved ones, or leave prayers to God, and leave them there on the grounds.

I added the Hope and Courage rocks that I recently took to Rowan and Jalene's graves.  They were both Lil Guardians before they passed, and I firmly believe that they are both now full Angel Guardians in Heaven, watching over us all.

Our last stop was for lunch, and boy was it a beautiful day to sit outside and laugh and eat, and remember what life is all about... honoring your loved ones, remembering family and friends,giving back to your community, "loving your life" and "making the good" whenever and wherever you can...and if it involves blue skies, motorcycles, the open road, and a great bunch of guys and gals...even better!

Thank you GOC Von Ormy.

For making Rowan, "Hope", one of you.

For never forgetting him,

but even more so, for always remembering him!

As I said today at the cemetery:

Hope was something I found hard to find after Rowan died, but when I thought of how much he loved every single day of his life, no matter how difficult it was, I realized... that was his gift to me...his reminders, his legacy, the way he lived his life, were actually teaching me how to survive the rest of mine.

Thank you for reminding me to hold on to Hope...just as you all have.

In loving memory of Rowan Jameson "Hope" Windham 

Lil Guardian 

Guardians of the Children

Von Ormy Chapter

Texas