Happy to be 5 and...alive!

I had a conversation with Rowan this week that again just blew me away. We were laying in bed talking and he said "Mommy, I know people were so nice to me in the hospital for my birthday because they felt bad for me to be there for my birthday again, but I don't get it." When I asked him what he didn't understand he said "Well, they should just be glad I did turn 5." I told him of course they were, but he insisted "No, I mean, they should be glad I'm 5 and I'm alive." Of course that brought tears to my eyes, mainly because it's so true, but also because you just don't expect your 5 year old to realize that, or to bring it up. Then he added, "I mean, some people don't even get to be 5....like Chrissie."

See Rowan just spent the 4th of his 5 birthdays so far hospitalized. He has been in the hospital A LOT... over 600 days of his life already, and unfortunately a lot of those have been holidays and birthdays too.

Here he was, this innocent, precious little boy, who has been so very sick so much of his life, just a little over a week ago, laying on the table in trauma room 1 of the Children's Hospital emergency room, fighting a life threatening septic infection yet again.

And here he is now, home again, feeling better, and simply "glad to be 5 and alive." Amazing! He has such a sense of appreciation and contentment, even despite all that he endures on a daily basis. I wish we all could be more like that.






As he mentioned, not everyone makes it to 5, which is a very unfortunate reality, and one that he has already dealt with. He mentioned Chrissie (Patterson), whom I have posted about several times before. She is his "girlfriend in heaven", who passed away over a year ago when she was just 4 years old. The Patterson's wanted Rowan to have a 5 year old birthday celebration that was not in the hospital, and they kindly invited us out to their ranch to celebrate with him last weekend and so he could ride Chrissie's horse "Navidad".

Rowan was very excited, and he drew a picture to go lay on Chrissie's grave, "since she didn't get to have a 5 year old party." Here is the picture he drew for Chrissie, and then him showing it to her Mom Lorraine.

When he explained the picture to me he said "This is me, giving Chrissie a flower that is a heart and a flower that is a rainbow, and those dots coming down are tears, but they are happy tears".

He did get to place the picture at her gravesite and he knelt down and prayed for a minute and said she liked it a lot. When all the kids did the butterfly pinata (which Rowan thought Chrissie would have loved because it had pink wings) the wings got knocked off, and Rowan wanted to take the wings down to put at her grave as well. Here he is doing just that. And I'm pretty sure he is right, she likes it a lot.

I find myself wishing Rowan didn't have to go through so much, and wondering why and how so many many tough things can be heaped on one small boy...and then he says the things he does, and shows me what God is undoubtedly trying to show me through him... just be happy, be content, trust that God knows what He's doing, and find the joy that is in everything...even the bad stuff. Moments like we had this past weekend, prove just that! Thank you Patterson family for sharing your ranch with us, your family, your story of hope, and most importantly your angel Chrissie!

Here is Rowan blowing another kiss towards Chrissie's gravesite, just before he left for the day...